


What's Love Got to Do With It?

by rachelautumn



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Character, Coming Out, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-16 02:31:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2252553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rachelautumn/pseuds/rachelautumn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Arthur realizes that lying is making a mess of his life, he decides to come out to his friends and family.  </p><p> Or</p><p>Suburban Princess, Arthur Pendragon, learns something about love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sophia

**Author's Note:**

> The "Religiois Entertainment Industry" here is an invention. I have no idea what the real one is like:)

Not that long ago if you'd told Arthur Pendragon that he'd be trying to avoid having sex, he wouldn't have believed you. First of all he was 19 years old and, well, all right then. But Arthur also really liked sex; more than average, he suspected. It was Sophia he didn't like. Sure, she was beautiful with heavy blond hair and a tiny waist and legs for days, and these were all good things. The problem was she was also a psycho bitch and a kind of genius at manipulating Arthur. He couldn't get rid of her. He couldn't stop sleeping with her even when he was screaming that he hated her, because his dick never lost interest and she knew it.

Arthur didn't lack discipline generally. Like most of the guys on crew, he wasn't afraid to suffer and he earned top marks for the opposite reason - he didn't care to suffer his father's disapproval. The problem was that none of the strength of mind he applied to these sorts of things translated to Sophia's case. The weird girl practiced some kind of relationship jitzu that knew no rules. If he broke up with her, she snuck into his room at night. If he dated other girls, she crashed the date and shed her loathsome personality over the event like an old dog sheds fur. That really killed the mood, especially since she usually implied that he and Sophia were still seeing each other or that he had confidence problems in bed or both.

When all else failed, she invited herself over for dinner and sucked up to his dad. Uther Pendragon loved Sophia. Also, her father was one of Uther's buddies from the old days, when his mum had been alive. He'd asked his dad not to let her come over, but he hadn't listened. She was In like Flynn at Arthur's house.

So this is how he found himself clutching a half-drunk beer and hurdling over people on couches, hoping to avoid Sophia long enough that he could go home without having shagged her. 

It was one of the do's that the girls dreamed up for Sunday afternoons, Some kind of 1920's theme thing that he didn't appreciate because he thought girls looked awful in flapperwear. They were handing out rhinestone cigarette holders and vintage cocktails, but he didn't smoke and he hated gin, so that was a waste.

There was a grand piano in the corner of the host's ballroom where some poor sod was churning out jazz. It was thick on the floor with groups and couples moving out of the french doors to the garden. Surely if Arthur slipped between the pianist and the wall, he could slurp down the rest of his beer in peace.

She found him there. Probably it was Leon's fault for finding him first and for being so tall. They had been having a good time debating whether Gwaine had carried off the knickerbocker look -consensus, no. The minute Sophia showed up, though, Leon disappeared with a congratulatory slap on Arthur's back. None of his friends understood that it was possible not to enjoy getting laid. Hell, Arthur didn't understand it.

"You looking for a little privacy, Arthur? I can think of a better spot."  
Arthur hated having to look up at Sophia. She was wearing some sort of sea misty green thing. Of course she made the 20's style dress look good.

"Fuck off Sophia." Even to him it sounded half hearted. She ignored him, moving one spangly pump till it grazed his crotch, forcing his eyes to travel up her leg, past the garter belt to get lost in the skirt fringe, where he thought he caught a glimpse of matching green knickers. He tried and failed not to imagine mouthing at the silk panties which he knew were already wet and would only get wetter until she took them off. He was hard now. Shit.

"Look Sophia. I don't want to do this, anymore," he muttered, sounding unconvinced, he knew. She smiled, then, almost sunny.

"Why don't you say what you mean, Arthur?" Arthur tried to stand up while subtly adjusting himself, like he was fooling her.

"I keep telling you Sophia." He spoke straight to her manic cornflower blue eyes, "I'm not interested in dating you anymore."

"Who are you interested in dating?" The name came to his mind immediately. But he didn't say it. Couldn't say it.

"That's what I thought." Sophia placed his hand on her waist and led him to the dance floor. A lot of other people joined them, jitterbugging or faking it anyway. Everybody was laughing together and it was all innocent enough, but Arthur knew that within the hour he and Sophia would find a room in the far end of the house somewhere. He would have his face buried in Sophia's hairless cunt, desperate to hear her come, get a reaction out of her. Be done with her. Afterwards, maybe she would let him mount her, maybe she would lap at his cock or take him in both of her tiny little hands with lots of lube, drawing one fist over the other like someone pulling up an anchor. It didn't matter. He never felt like it was really his decision what they did. When it was over he would feel sick at himself. Yet he danced on.

"You two make such a cute couple, are you on again?" That was his hostess, Ann, a nice enough girl with a round face. Arthur wished he was attracted to her. 

"Maybe." Sophie gave Anne a conspiratorial "us-girls" smile. "The thing about Arthur is he seems such the macho type, but he really likes someone to tell him what to do." She shrugged one bare, coltish shoulder. "So he needs me."

Arthur stopped dancing. Sophia didn't lie. She manipulated, which was different.  
Did he really need her to tell him what to do? That didn't sound like him. He was all about making plans. Maybe he just needed to control this situation, turn the tables on her.  
"I bet I know what you need, anyway." He tried placing one hand brazenly far up her thigh.

"Oh you do?" She sounded surprised. Poor Anne flushed and tittered, fleeing with an awkward little wave.

"Well I'll just leave you two alone then." 

Sophia didn't react to his hand, just frowned, mildly put out that he wasn't playing the game. He let his hand drop. And that's when it hit him. 

Lightening didn't often strike Arthur. He was a straightforward person. Nor was he prone to bouts of introspection, however it occurred to him that he and Sophia must be getting something out of the relationship and ...it was not sex! That was the dinger.  
Naturally, he had assumed that Sophia was desperate for him because he was handsome and sporty and somewhat charismatic. Also he didn't' mind all the crazy things she wanted him to do for kicks, like shagging in dressing rooms and shaving his privates. But those things were all plusses; they implied an advantage and Arthur was man enough to acknowledge that he did not have the upper hand with Sophia. After all, he was the one running.

Arthur looked at her, really looked at her face for the first time that night. She didn't seem angry, or anxious, or passionate in any way. She basically looked like a perfume advert brought to life. So what did she want with him? And why did he let her do it?  
"Sophia?"

"Hmm?" Now that he wasn't fighting he could feel her interest wane a bit, eyes elsewhere.

"Just for curiosity's sake: How do you know I'm going to sleep with you? I mean when I tell you I don't want to and we end up doing it anyway?"

She put her arms around his neck. He could smell the gin on her breath and the delicate expensive scent she wore. 

"Arthur, you're not interested in any of the little girls here. You have a big dick; you like powerful women, but they terrify you and I'm the only one here who can help you with that." She let him go, "I'm off for a cocktail, want one?"

Arthur shook his head no even as he felt himself flush with anger. She was wrong, but he knew where she got the idea. Before he started dating Sophia this last year he had always had a tendency with girls to do too much or too little. He knew he'd been reared with almost comically formal manners, holding out chairs, helping with coats. His father made his money in Christian entertainment, and he alone of the wealthy kids he grew up with had been raised where the appearance of chastity at least had to be maintained. And manners were part of that, respecting girls.

No matter how hard he drank, or how many girls he touched, it had an effect. None of the other lads felt a compulsion to stand when a lady entered the room. He did. When he'd started dating girls that had been advantage for a while. He'd done well with the notes and the compliments, but transitioning to snogging and groping and the rest, he'd always found confusing. He would hold back in an attempt at chivalry only to leap suddenly into the breach and, well, paw. 

If only he had been like the nice boys in his father's movies and waited for the right girl, wooing her with jewelry and flowers and taking her to bed after the wedding or at least the end of term mixer.

It would have solved some problems, but it was a little late to go back to that. Sometimes Arthur thought he could imagine this person who would inspire feelings in him that he could follow like little crumbs in a fairy tale to their body. Sometimes he could almost imagine this person waiting for him around the bend, what they would look like... not Sophia.

But he was a practical person and he hadn't waited. All of his friends had sex. Mostly. As soon as the opportunity arose, in the absence of any feelings of love, he'd gone for it blind and now he was living with the consequences.

His step-sister, Morgana was always yelling at him that if would just listen to girls more he would know when to try for more and when to leave it at kissing. He did try but he still made mistakes. He was extremely cautious around girls, as a consequence for a very long time.

With Sophia all that bother went away. Anything he wanted to do she'd done already and she let him know what was good for her. She never beat his chest or had her girl friends shun him or wrote him tear stained and suprisingly spiteful break-up letters when he hadn't even known they were going out. It was such a relief at first, to date her. A least it was until he stopped wanting to see her and this whole avoidance game had started. But he thought he was a cad, not a coward. Why did Sophia think he was afraid of women? He was not afraid of women, powerful or otherwise. In fact there was very little that Arthur Pendragon was afraid of. Except. 

Ding ding! Bollocks. There was that one thing. He'd never mentioned it to her of course, but it was always there when he was with girls, that little bit of relief that it was a girl this time, that he was enjoying himself and there was no need to mention anything else like, for example that he liked boys, too. He could go his whole life and never go through the whole coming out thing, as long as he was having a good time, right?

Sophia was right. He was afraid.

He was afraid to tell his sporty friends and his conservative father that the person he wanted to date was the french exchange student at Lance's house, the very male french exchange student. He was afraid to admit to himself that fucking men might not be enough, that he might fall in love with one someday. He was afraid that leaving his heart open to like who he happened to like meant becoming someone unacceptable. 

In other words, he used girls as a security blanket! Fuck. No wonder Sophia had no respect for him. And as for what she got out of it. Well that cleared up that mystery too. She was a sadist. He had a weakness and she scented it on him like the aggressive predator she was. And now he was letting her lead him by the nose like a dumb ox. She weighed 110 pounds soaking wet and she could lead him anywhere because she helped him and everyone else think of him as straight.

Arthur was not straight. In fact, the very feminine Sophia was by no means the only person he was having sex with. There was at least one bloke from a club or in the showers at the gym every week. No, Sophia was not the only person he coupled with, she was just the only one whose last name he knew, who knew his friends, whom he could introduce to his father. The rest were secrets and it seemed he would go pretty far to keep those secrets tucked away.

Arthur thought of how lousy it felt after he slept with Sophia lately and shuddered. A coward hiding behind some girls very short skirts? That was not him. But she thought it was and she enjoyed torturing him.

Having secrets was like having a soft underbelly. He saw that now. Sophia was the first one to exploit this vulnerability, but there would certainly be others. Bitter ex-lovers, blackmailing roommates. B-film scumbag types. He could just imagine it. Once you're down, they all pile on.

Well fuck that. Arthur Pendragon was not one to carry a target on his back. He was just going to have to tell everyone he liked cock. 

Arthur thought of the consequences. 1. He might very well be cut off from his dad's money. 2. he would almost certainly endure a lot of embarrassing public scrutiny 3. He'd probably end up at horrible LGBT events in the company of the kinds of men who wore scarves in warm weather.

On the other hand he would be rid of Sophia. So worth it then. Also, and the thought of it, was just a little warm and exciting, he could be with some boy he knew, kiss someone who wasn't just a guy at the branch of his gym farthest from his house. Yeah. That would be good. And as for Sophia If he played his cards right, and he intended to, she might get a little zap for thinking she could play him.

He thought about the name he hadn't mentioned. Luc. The french exchange student at Lance's who was seriously hot and who was almost certainly gay. He'd attended all the football matches, flirting with Lance and Gwaine. Then there was that time he'd watched the team in the rain. Arthur hadn't been able to resist when they'd played 5 on 5, shirts and skins and he'd lingered in front of the stands with his shirt off, hoping to catch Luc's eye. Luc had actually blushed and smiled at Arthur. He was pretty sure Luc wanted him. So maybe, just maybe he might ask him out. And maybe he might do it while Sophia was watching and she could feel like an idiot for once, instead of him. Yes. That would be the plan. Arthur felt good already. He liked having a clear agenda.

There was an end of summer party at Lance's that night It was the perfect place to put his plan in action, since Luc was bound to be there. Arthur could just imagine it, placing his hand on Luc's narrow hips, staring into his huge brown eyes....Arthur gave himself a shake. Time to get out of there. Focusing on the reward was good. Yes. But Arthur wasn't heir to Westinghouse Enterprises for nothing. Work before pleasure. He would have to tell his family now or Sophia would have that to hold over him. 

 

He'd start with Morgana. Lord what was wrong with his life that it seemed easiest to start with Morgana? His step sister had always been difficult, sometimes a friend, sometimes an enemy, but lately she had completely closed herself off as if she didnt want him to be her brother anymore.

Arthur thought of Sophia's words and snorted. Afraid of powerful women, his arse. Growing up with his sister, the uberbitch he'd dealt with that kind of thing since he was a babe in arms.

Arthur turned on his heel and left the ballroom without telling Sophia. In five minutes he was home listening for signs of life behind his step sister's door.


	2. Morgana

Morgana was in her room as usual. Arthur hesitated at the door, knowing that she would be reading on her bed with her feet on the wall, wearing nothing but black lace lingerie. He suspected that she maintained a state of semi nudity to make sure that her father and brother stayed out of her space. It worked.

"Morgana!" he knocked softly, really dreading the open door and needing it to open just as much. "Morgs?" he whispered the old nickname.

This time the door opened a crack. Sure enough he caught a glimpse of her knickers and bra before averting his gaze, although really he was too nervous to feel embarrassed this time. "Arthur?" She frowned, taking it all in at one glance in that weird way she had, "Oh my God, did someone die?"

"No nothing like that. Look can I come in?" She hesitated and then nodded,

"Just a second" After a few minutes she threw open the door , wearing a silk robe. A black silk robe. Really she was too much sometimes.

"More black Morgana? Aren't you a liitle old for the Goth thing?"

Once she would have teased him back, but now she just smiled tightly and sat down at her desk. She gestured to the bed, a surprisingly feminine spot, with sprigged sheets and a white comforter. Arthur sat there plucking at the duvet, while she stared at him from her desk chair, arms crossed over her dressing gown and looking for all the world as if she were conducting an interview and he was the one half dressed.

Arthur dove in. "I need your advice" he said quickly, before he could chicken out.

Morgana didn't move, pale and perfect,like some sort of sister unit from a different family, a dark haired green eyed family. I wouldn't send her back for a better match, Arthur found himself thinking randomly, only I would have ordered the friendly model. 

She raised one manicured eyebrow.

"Since when have you listened to my advice, Arthur? Isn't fucking that cow Sophia solving all your little problems?"

Arthur sighed. "Look Morgana, I know we haven't gotten on this summer somehow. I'm really not sure what I did" He looked up to see if her eyes gave anything away there. She just shrugged. Fine. "But I need to ask your advice about how to get around Father. There's something I have to tell him and I'm not sure how best to go about it."

She stood so suddenly the chair grazed the wall.

"You're asking me to help you to talk to Uther? Really, Arthur?"

Arthur stared at her hoping for a clue to her anger, finding none.

"He always lets you get away with so much more than me" he began  
She hissed. Actually hissed

"I'm not the perfect one, Arthur. That's you, the golden boy. He's your Daddy. Go deal with him yourself"

"What are you even talking about?" Arthur was standing up now, "You total the car, he buys you another one. I had one fender-bender that wasn't even my fault and I had to wait an extra year for my license. You're reading Romance languages for Christ's sake! You know he expects me to do Economics and to get a bloody first or die trying"

Arthur knew he hadn't really gotten to the heart of it. How his father trapped him in a room, watched him for failure like he could sicken for it. How he loved Morgana more, just for herself. He had seen how softly his father placed his hand on Morgana's shoulder, how gently he suggested that she might need more rest, more time, more diversions...all things Arthur was supposed to do without. He hadn't put it in words and now she was advancing on him.

"Yes he expects things of you, Arthur. Great things. You're his good child from his good wife. You know what he expects of me? Do you know what he's waiting for, Arthur?" Morgana's voice had lowered till it didn't sound like a girl's voice anymore, "He's waiting for me to fall. He's waiting for me to go bad, like her, like my mother."

Arthur felt the hair rise on his arms. They didn't mention Morgana's mother. She had died in a car crash shortly after the divorce. But of course no one mentioned his mother either. She had died first, when Arthur was born and he had always wondered if his father hated him for that.

"Is that was this is about, Morgana? Because of the divorce? You know we were too little to remember, all that."

"I remember!" Morgana shouted once. And then sat down. She looked tired suddenly, as if remembering that the battle was over and there was no point fighting.  
It was in Arthur to deny her, to remind her how spoilt she was, how loved she was. But he knew facts; he knew numbers.

Two, two car crashes, one for her father, one for her mother. And another two, her age when her father had died. then, four when Uther had divorced her mother, five when that mother had died. The numbers told a horror story but It took some effort to recall it, as if the rules of the house forbade the recollection. Actually, Arthur was pretty sure they did. Among other things. And didn't he know how hard it was to fight those rules? He wondered if he had cried himself when Morgana's mother died. After all, she had been his mother for a time.

"I don't even know her name." He admitted. Morgana looked him properly in the eyes this time.

"Morgause. Her name was Morgause. And I can't really remember what she looked like anymore. Though I've tried. I've tried a lot lately." She looked away

Arthur sat back down on the bed. He'd been planning on asking for Morgana's help, something like hiring a consultant. Now he felt a little hope that maybe what he had to say might actually be welcome to her.

"Well if Dad thinks you're going corrupt you've got company". 

Her raised eyebrow looked friendlier this time.

"Oh?"

He grinned. "Yeah, I doubt I'm going to be anybody's golden boy after today" He indicated the door with a jerk of the head, "I'm going down there now to tell Dad I'm bisexual."

Morgana stared at him, her hands frozen on her sash, mouth a little open. Now that was satisfying. it was almost worth all the drama to see his wiser, cooler, edgier sister at a loss for words for once. Of course her shock didn't last for long. She opened her mouth wider and started to laugh. She laughed for a long time, a real belly laugh with joy in it.

Arthur laughed with her. Fuck it was good to have Morgana as a friend again.

"So like I said" he said, when they had calmed down, "Any advice?"  
She shook her head. 

"Sorry. You're right. That's not going to go down well. But if it's any consolation, I think it will be good for you to disappoint him now, rather than later." She looked away as if seeing something from the future, someplace he was too unimaginative to follow. Morgana often made him feel that way. A shadow of their previous strain fell over Arthur for a minute. Then Morgana shook her head as if to clear it. "Actually I have something of my own to tell you. It might help a little to know that you're not the only one who keeps secrets"

"Secrets?"

"Oh yes. Our father, producer of right wing drivel for the masses has a number of things in his past he doesn't want people to know." She spoke gleefully and Arthur felt his stomach sink a little. He didn't always agree with his father but he didn't want him to be wrong, to be bad. Morgana fished in her dresser drawer for a minute and withdrew a lock box. The two of them sat on her bed while she opened it with a key from a chain around her neck. He'd seen her wearing it all summer he realized then. It clashed with her usual high profile wardrobe. Now he knew why.

The box was mostly full of papers. Morgana picked up some newspaper clippings and contemplated them for a moment as if they were old friends, before setting them aside. "Marriage announcements" she explained. "And a couple of society event pages. He may have gotten rid of her jewelry but even Uther can't eliminate my mother from the public record, Oh wait. Here we go"

She handed him a manila envelope with a code on it. "These are the results of some genetic testing I had done" She smiled while he read. It was pretty in depth stuff and took a few minutes to read through, but the essence was she could not be the daughter of Eugene Garlois. Instead there was a 75% certainty that she was..  
"I'm Uther's natural daughter." She said it with a smirk.

Arthur blew his fringe out of his face. He crunched some more numbers.

"Shit Morgana, that means..."

"It means he was screwing his partner's wife is what it means." She was livid again now. "The whole time he was coming up with this scheme for making a fortune out of wholesome Christian family entertainment, he was an adulterer." She laughed again, a laugh in which there was no trace of the joy of a minute ago. "And he had the nerve, the indecency to claim that she was unfit to keep me after the divorce. As if he was so pure."

It was silent and Arthur did not try to fill the silence. He didn't know what Morgause had done to lose his father's trust. Didn't want to suggest that there was probably something. Certainly, the adultery explained why he had married her so quickly after Garlois's death. One fact was a fact, though and incontrovertible.

"Do you think he knows?" he asked. Morgana shrugged.

"I really don't know''

She put the lock box away, seeming to regain some of her good will as she reburied the past.

"Well anyway, thank fuck you like men," she said, not without relish, sitting down on the bed next to him.

"What do you mean thank fuck?" Arthur was indignant. It wasn't a relief for him, after all. No need to be flippant. He might have to work his way through Uni now if Uther decided to be punitive.

Morgana just shrugged one silken shoulder and tossed her hair. It all stayed perfectly in place, of course, like a black water fall, while his blond hair was always a mess if he didn't watch it. Really if she hadn't just proven it, he would never believe they were related.

"I mean thank fuck because you have terrible taste in women, little brother. You date Sophia, remember?"

Arthur groaned. She had a point there. Morgana must have read his agreement in his face because she smiled her real smile. She scooted closer, chummy now. "I think you just lack the imagination to understand someone of a different gender" she said, patting his hand, "So I suggest you keep to blokes from now on. It'll be healthier for you." Arthur was grateful enough for her renewed friendship not to say anything about how fucking condescending she was being. He knew she knew it; her eyes were lit with mischief.

"You know," She cocked her head at him speculatively. "Since you asked for advice, I do think you'll need a new wardrobe, something that shows your arse to better advantage? Too bad I don't have time to take you to the shops before term starts, but even something from on line would be better than what you've got on."

Arthur snuck a peak at himself in her mirror. What was wrong with a button down oxford and jeans, for crying out loud? And what was this about shopping? she didn't think just because he liked men, he was going to start flaming around like a tart, right?

Ignoring his scowl, Morgana got up and started typing on her computer, reading out what she thought he should buy after she'd already clicked. Arthur knew Morgana in this mood. He fell back on her bed and just said yes to everything. 

He was pretty sure she'd bought him three pairs of obscure brand jeans a jumper and half the Dolce and Gabana catalog by the time the bell rang for dinner. No doubt they were all things that were too tight and which would advertise his orientation for miles, but he just left her to it. And why not, he sighed, staring at the ceiling, trying not to notice her pulling on her own chic clothes, behind the closet door. If anyone knew something about attracting men it was Morgana. Otherwise unflappable Leon had always snapped to attention whenever she came in, even when they were only in primary school. And he wasn't the only one.

Whether it was thanks for playing Ken doll or a sign of newly acknowledged sisterly love, Morgana was surprisingly gentle as they went down stairs, even squeezing his hand as she dropped him off outside Uther's study door, "Don't be afraid of him" she whispered, "He doesn't have anything you can't do without" Arthur wasn't sure what she meant exactly, but God he hoped she was right. He really wanted to keep his place at Oxford, at least.


	3. Uther

When his father opened the door, Arthur knew that certain things would happen. As the door swung he would see the wedding portrait of his parents first, then his father's decanter and bourbon on the old chest, then the antique pistols. There would be smell of leather and polish. He would save looking at his father's face for last. That was always different every time.

Sometimes his father was affable, fond. He would offer Arthur a drink or when he was smaller ruffle his hair. In those moods he let drop the score of a match he hadn't attended, allowing Arthur to know he was paying attention. Once in a while they would even play chess.

Then there were the other times, the times his father became an adversary. Then Uther would be cold, yet not distant, never ceasing to crowd Arthur even from across the room. The man had never hit him, but it made Arthur's breath stop in his chest when he saw his father's blue eyes lose their watery look, focus into a darker color as the questions pounded out. What did you do? How did you score? When will you know?

Today as the door swung open it revealed his father in his chair, legs stretched out, drink in hand. A good day then. A day Arthur could speak first. Arthur cleared his throat.

"So Dad I want to talk to you about the friends I will be seeing next year" When Uther raised his brows, but did not tense, Arthur went on. "Since this is your house, I thought it right to tell you that some of the dates I bring home..." At the word "dates" Arthur felt himself flush deeply over his whole body, but he did not pause. "Some of them will be men. I thought you should know"

There it was done. Arthur waited, his heart pounding in his chest. He hoped it would not show. The truth was not weakness, right? He watched as his father swirled his drink and peered at the glass. Although he hadn't moved, Arthur could see he was no longer relaxed.

"When you say some of your dates," he said at last, looking up and meeting Arthur's eyes, "What do you mean by some?" Arthur was so surprised by the technical nature of the question that he forgot to be embarrassed. 

"I mean that some of the people I see will be boys and the others girls," he said simply. "What else could I mean?"

Uther stood up and handed Arthur a drink. Arthur's palms were sweaty as he grasped the wide glass. God he was glad he had inherited his father's large strong hands. He almost dropped the thing. It wouldn't do to give his father the advantage. Arthur didn't want to be easy to say no to. He forced himself to keep looking at the man. Uther , of course, looked as cool as ever. The only difference in his body language just that he slowed a little as if he were coiled to strike. Arthur swallowed. he recognized the attitude as the one he had himself, right before a match when his body felt like winning. Then Uther smiled, a patronizing smile almost exactly like Morgana's

"Well it's not ideal, Arthur, but as long as you choose to entertain your male dates somewhere else, it doesn't have to matter, I don't think." His father put his drink back down on the chest, ending the conversation. So no drama then. He just had to keep it quiet and his dating men wouldn't change anything.

It was pretty much what Arthur himself had thought, until recently. Before he'd thought about Sophia and her date raping ways and never having a chance to kiss Luc he would have been OK with that. Now it rankled. Arthur took a sip and allowed himself to get angry.

"Of course it matters, father, if I am not allowed to be myself in my own home"

This is it. Arthur thought. This is when he reminds me it's not my house, that he writes the checks, that I won't be going to Oxford. Instead Uther walked to the book case. He pulled a worn leather album from the shelf. Arthur hadn't seen it in years, but he recognized it immediately. It was his mother's singing portfolio, from before he was born, before she died having Arthur. Uther gestured for Arthur to sit down, placing the album open before them on the table. There was a picture of his mother when she was very young, hardly older them him, Arthur thought. She was wearing church robes, singing from a hymnal. Arthur knew it would be silly to say that she looked like an angel with her blond hair and sweet expression, but she did.

"Your mother was a Christian," Uther said, "the real thing. This news would have been devastating to her."

It was probably true. Arthur knew Igraine had been a fundamentalist Christian. She had left her religious family in Tennessee to marry the blasphemous English businessman and brought with her the contracts for every other movie maker, record studio and publisher in the religious market. Arthur had a slew of relatives in the states who were big in the right wing entertainment industry over there. His family was richer than all of them thanks in part to his mother's work for Westinghouse Corp. Would his mother have hated him? He looked at her picture again. He didn't know. He didn't know the sweet girl in the picture. All he knew was Uther and Uther didn't even go to church. Hypocrite. Arthur pushed aside the album and turned the conversation back to the real.

 

"But you're not a Christian Dad. Don't pretend you think God cares. this is about something else.

Uther narrowed his eyes. "Fine. You want me to spell it out for you? I thought I would spare us both the embarassment. What I had with your mother," He placed a reverent hand over the album, "that was about love, family, commitment, not ...exploring your sexuality." Uther spat the last word. "I don't believe in God in the same way she did, but I won't pretend that I don't find your proclivities distasteful. Most people do, Arthur, even if they won't admit it. It would be different maybe if you said you were gay, if you had no choice, but you do have a choice. You don't need to indulge your tastes and I won't have you flaunt your affairs here in front of me and your sister!"

Arthur felt the whiskey sour in his gut. He couldn't breathe. He had always thought his father cold, that he wouldn't like Arthur sleeping with men because it would look bad for the business. The Christian entertainment business. Rational hatred, right? He didn't know that he disgusted his father. And it wasn't true that he had a choice, Oh no these were not good choices; it was a bad hand. Lies and Sophia and Oxford vs. Truth, maybe homelessness and loss. Arthur flung his eyes around the room looking for someplace safe to rest and he saw the wedding portrait of his mum and dad. For the first time, he wondered if it bothered Morgana that there was no portrait of her mother there. Where would her eyes go, if she needed to look at a parent that wasn't Uther? He looked at his mother's eyes, a light blue like his. 

In the picture she was looking up at his father, and it was true, you could see the love there. Her eyes were so bright, nothing like the eyes of the guys he sucked off at the gym or the ones in the back of clubs. But then he remembered. Luc. The whole reason he was doing this was so that he wouldn't have to do that, so that his life wouldn't be full of secrets and the nasty people who held those against you.

"You know what I think?" he heard himself say, " I think my mother would have forgiven me because she actually believed that God loves everyone. Not like you. You're just pimping that idea out aren't you? Even selling my mother's voice, just to make money. And I make you sick?"

Arthur thought of Morgana, trying to find traces of her mother in a box because Uther thought she wasn't good enough to remember. Arthur was beyond angry now. He felt incandescent. LIke he was lit up and he could see everything by the his own light.

He looked at all the expensive things in his father's office. His father's furious face. Five wrinkles on the forehead. The mahognony paneled room. God it was all tainted, wasn't it? Suddenly he was disgusted by the idea of living on his father's money, of going to University beholden to him and his lying bigoted bullshit. He caught the man's eyes and felt his own smile go feral.

"I'm not sure whether she would have forgiven you for Morgana's mother though. How long did the love and family and commitment last there, two years? More I guess if you count the time she was married to someone else."

Well that capped it. No one was sneering at him now. He had broken the final taboo in his family, mentioning Morgana's mother. It had the desired effect. His father just stared at him, jaw working, mute. Arthur laughed, drained the whisky at one go, replacing it carefully on the old trunk.

Then he slammed the door and left the house. He strode down the herringbone brick walk , opened the gate of his former home and vomited his father's whiskey under the hedgerow. It was over. In every sense of the word he was out.


	4. Luc

Arthur felt a little nostalgia as he walked up the gate to Lance's house. It was probably the last time he'd run up these stairs before going to Uni. if he was going to uni. Unless he got kicked out, of course. In that case he might be staying with Lance a while.

Lance's family was well to do like everyone around here. Everyone had gone to the same schools and wore the same brands and used the same lingo, but everyone's family was not the same and Lance's home was by far the warmest, most welcoming he'd ever known. His mum actually baked even when it was not Christmas and loads of people came over for dinner all the time, that the family had collected over the years, weird people like entomologists and primary school teachers and retired ballerinas. No doubt bisexual Arthur wouldn't even make a blip on the radar.

Arthur tried to cling to the nostalgia but it was already replaced by nerves. After tonight everybody would know. His footie friends, Lance's little sister, Sophia. He couldn't wait to see the look on her face. Actually, if he could just push past the nerves, this might be brilliant.

As soon as he walked in the door, Arthur felt the difference. This was the first party he'd been at ever where he there was no conflict between what he felt on the inside and what he could show every one else. In the back of his mind he knew there were unpleasent things on his to do list, worrying about Uni, about his father, but in the here and now, it was sweet. No more anxiety that he was staring at boys too long, or getting hard when he danced with his friends. As for Sophia? Bring it on.

He could feel the swagger in his walk as he pushed into the smoke and noise. He caught a glimpse of himself in the entry hall mirror as he walked by. Longish blond hair, tight jeans, broad chest. He looked good. He felt good.

Irony was, once he found the tangle of bodies dancing and drinking in the Du Lac's open plan sitting room, once he let his eyes loose to want whatever boy they happened to light on, he noticed a girl. She was black, really dark with a body that white girls didn't usually have, a firm jutting bum and a tiny springy torso. She had chin length straightened hair and beautiful pouty lips. There weren't people who looked like that at his college; he'd never known that was a body type he was attracted to. He wanted to span his hands around that waist so bad he could taste it.

She was dancing with a cluster of other girls, arms in the air, hips gyrating. It was the matter of a moment to join the group. He turned his back to the girl at first. Let her look at his arse for a bit. 

So who's your friend? he asked one of the girls. Jenny, from further maths.  
"Oh, that's Michelle. She's a friend of the Du Lac's from the States." Arthur rewarded Jen with a flash of his best grin and immediately danced around to face Michelle.

"So you're a friend of Lance's? How come I never met you?"

"Oh this is the first time I've ever been to England" She flicked her eyes over him briefly and then smiled a sly smile. "There are a lot of hot guys here. I guess   
I should have come sooner." Well that was invitation enough. He danced up behind her and finally got his hands around that waist. They did almost span it. Christ. Immediately he was so hard it hurt.

"You want to go out to the pool for a bit?' he turned their bodies to face the Du Lac's patio the site of many wet semi consensual couplings with Sophia. Michelle leaned into him so that heart shaped arse snagged his erection. It felt so good he almost didn't hear her rejection.

"Sorry I can't. Gotta boyfriend back home. I told you I should have gotten here sooner." He turned around and kissed her hand. 

"Well, you can't blame me for trying?"

She grinned and mouthed," Course not,"before turning back to her friends.

A minute later he was glad he had crashed and burned with Michelle when he spotted Luc on the couch. Arthur's heart rate doubled, but he kept his face relaxed as he lifted a hand. Luc smiled and waved back, looking a little surprised as Arthur sat down next to him. After all, he didn't know he double starred in both Arthur's sex and revenge fantasies. 

Luc looked edible as always in his Frenchy clothes that were always just a little bit weird. His grey button down shirt was too long and tight, his jeans were ironed. It would have been off putting actually, if he weren't so fucking hot. His shoulders were broad, while the rest of him was small and narrow, petit, really. He was dark, with large brown eyes that were currently giving Arthur an appraising look under raised eyebrows.

"So I saw you with Michelle. I thought you were dating that blonde girl."

Arthur shook his head. 

"No Sophia's just my stalker" Can I have a sip of your beer? Luc looked puzzled but handed it over.

"So Michelle's more your type, then?"

Arthur took a deep breath and leaned into Luc's space, practically nudging the beer back into Luc's hand.

"I don't have a type" he said looking straight into the other boy's eyes. They widened a bit, but he did n't say anything. Arthur growled internally. He thought he'd just dropped the classic "hi i'm bi" hint. Was Luc not attracted to him after all? Maybe it was a language barrier. Were sex cliches different in French? Shit. If this didn't work out with Luc he'd have to find someone else to throw in Sophia's face, but there weren't really any other boys he liked here. He looked out for Sophia. The one time he wanted to see her, the bitch wasn't there. That figured.

"So he said, inching up a just a tad closer than was necessary. "It's the end of the summer. How long do you have before you have to go back to France?"

Luc leaned away a bit and sighed. "Yeah, it's too bad" he said, "Actually I have to leave tonight."

"What?" Arthur forgot to act smooth, he was so disappointed. So much for taunting Sophia with his sophistication and his confidence and his French lover.  
Luc shrugged his shoulder in a slightly annoying, gallic kind of way.

"I misread my ticket. It't not noon next week it's midnight tonight. It's OK, though. I think I've done everything I wanted to here."

"You haven't done me." Arthur just put it out there. He wasn't one to mince words and he was out of time. Luc blushed, looking at Arthur under long dark lashes. 

"I thought you were straight." 

"Bi." It was the only the second time Arthur had ever said it. Something in his chest warmed and he felt bold. He leaned over to place one hand on Luc's shoulder. "It's not too late if you want to" he whispered. And then they were kissing.

He was kissing a boy and he was in Lance's house where he had run around since he was a little kid. He was kissing a boy where every one he knew could see him, where Lance's parents could see him. It was exciting. It was also really really good. Luc's tongue slipped into his mouth and he started making little sounds. Arthur leaned over him, arms braced on the couch as he pressed in and in to Luc's space; he smelled overwhelmingly of some kind of lemony body wash, as if he'd washed everywhere with it, even his hair.

This was it. This was when Sophia was supposed to show up and make her l little scene so he could have the last laugh, humiliate her and get back to his conquest. Arthur tried to draw it out, keep the kisses light for now, but then Luc's hands started to slide over his pecs, his shoulders, his backside.

"Fuck it," Arthur thought. "I'll never get another chance." He climbed onto the other boy's lap and just melted there, both hands on Luc's bony shoulders, his hips grinding his cock into Luc's. Underneath him Luc moaned.

"Why are you doing this now?" 

Arthur thought about explaining and decided it was more important to come. Apparently Luc agreed because he pushed Arthur off him and pulled him off the couch. 

"Come on. I wouldn't usually say this so soon but there will not be another chance, right? Let's go to my room."

On the way to the stairs they passed a dozen people Arthur had known since childhood. He grinned at them all. Some of his footie friends were hanging out on the landing, Leon and Gwaine and Percy, all openly staring at him as Luc led him up the stairs, holding hands. Them he gave a roguish wink, though he felt his face go red under the bravado. Lance met them as they were coming down, carrying a duffle, easily on his shoulder. 

"Hey Luc, I've brought your bags down, be ready in an hour OK?" 

His eyes widened as he took in Arthur in tow behind Luc, but being Lance he didn't say anything just smiled and nodded, instantly on the same page. Arthur loved Lance. Handsome fucking saint that he was. Actually he'd been an idiot never to talk to him before. He'd kept that whole part of himself so compartmentalized it had never occurred to him. When had Arthur turned into such a numbskull?

His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden whoosh as Luc pushed him on the bed in Lance's spare room. He had at least two stone on the other boy but Luc's eyes were as hard as his hands and his..other things, making it awkward to resist. Arthur just had enough time to figure "I'll probably be bottoming this time" before Luc was pulling his teeshirt off. Arthur tried to return the favor, aiming vaguely upwards for the tiny buttons of that awful grey shirt, but Luc just elbowed him out of the way, sliding his hands over Arthur's bare chest and shoulders with firm aggressive strokes as if he were painting him everywhere. When Arthur leaned up to kiss him again, Luc shook his head and pinched his nipples so hard it hurt. 

"I want to look at you, I want to see the muscles move in your chest" he said, quickly unbuttoning his own shirt, "and I want to see your face while I touch you everywhere. You are so beautiful but You're a prick, you know? I watched you all year when I couldn't touch. Now suddenly you like me? We're going to do this my way."

Arthur lay back on the bed and allowed himself to be stroked, while Luc's brown eyes bored holes into his. He felt the old doubling sensation of himself return but in a different way. While they had been kissing, he had been lost in the funk of lust that he associated with doing men. Even his first times he'd never been shy with blokes because it hadn't really been him who was out there kissing and licking and fucking. As long as the desire lasted, he didn't care. Now under under Luc's intense gaze he felt suddenly vulnerable as well as turned on. He hadn't known Luc would care that he'd never shown interest in him before. The French boy seemed to have a vindictive streak. Was he as nice as Arthur thought? For the first time, Arthur wondered what Luc was feeling, if he cared about Arthur at all. He felt a little potential disappointment in his stomach, realizing that he wanted Luc to like him. That he didn't just want to be a dick who paraded around half naked to tease the new kid on the risers. 

"I watched you, too he said" Luc paused briefly and started unbuttoning Arthurs jeans. 

"Really?"

"Yeah. Arthur nodded. "You looked so good in the rain that time the match was cancelled and you stayed. Wanted to kiss you then."

Luc smiled, "Why didn't you say anything." He muttered something in French that sounded like cretin. 

"Just wasn't out yet" Arthur started to say, but by then Luc had taken his cock out and he forgot about talking as a long slender thumb squeezed a drop from Arthur's cock over the slit and back. He closed his eyes against the pleasure and when they opened again he couldn't find the shape of his worries.

The lust was back.

Arthur kicked his clothes off and tore at Luc's jeans with the efficiency of long practice hurrying in dressing rooms. He was vaguely aware that Luc's pants were aqua and tight and ridiculous as he knelt to pull them down but he didn't care because his cock was so nice, really thick and uncut and so dark it was almost purple. It felt so good and heavy in his hand. Fuckin good. Smelled good too, musky and real. Arthur licked and nuzzled the hard length of it a few times, hearing his breath go ragged. He looked up to see how the other boy liked it. Yep. Luc's eyes had lost some of their focus, looking down at Arthur with helpless want, his torso curled on itself, muscles flexing. Arthur felt his feral smile on his face. 

"You're right. I am a prick but you like pricks, don't you?" he said and Luc only nodded, dazed. He sucked on the tip with renewed vigor and then looked up at Luc's eyes while he gave his tight balls a playful tug. "I'm gonna suck you off". He felt his whole awareness sink into his hands, loving the way they felt on the narrow bones of Luc's hips, easily splaying over the edge of his tight little arse. He stroked a circle on the bones there with his thumbs. When he heard Luc exhale a shaky breath he decided it was enough. Arthur committed his grip and sank his mouth almost the whole of Luc's length and began to suck and lick.

It wasn't long before Luc was moaning and whining, palming over Arthur's hair and over his jaw and shoulders as if desperate to reach more. Arthur waited until he began to tremble under his hands before opening his knees to brace himself, hs own thickened cock smacking on his belly. He met Luc's eyes and felt him stroke his cheek with the pad of his thumb. "You can fuck my mouth now, " he said in a hoarse voice he hardly recognized, "I want you to come. Just do it."

To Arthur's surprise and displeasure Luc immediately pulled away. 

"Shit, shit, we can't do this here."

Arthur stood up, wiping his mouth and looking around for his clothes, "Yeah. OK" he hoped he didn't sound too disappointed. He knew his cock was softening, which was a little embarrassing. A rush of reality washed over him and he remembered about Sophia, how she hadn't shown up and how he didn't know Luc, really.

"No, no no" Luc's voice sounded panicked and eager. He jumped off the bed to grab Arthur's hand again. His cock at least was still hard and bounced as he pulled Arthur after him again. "I want to do this. I just forgot I am leaving. The bed's made. I can't wash the sheets in time. you understand. Mrs. Dulac would find our mess...Oh no no it would be horrible." Luc grabbed his jeans, grubbing around the pocket for lube and a condom. "Come let's go to the shower."

Arthur knew where the bathroom was. Hell, this wouldn't even be the first time he'd had sex there. He shook off Luc's hand and led the way to the en suite. Just as he got to the door, the other boy caught up. He felt Luc's cock brush a hot stroke against him, felt his hand pinch his rear, his warmth crowd his back. "This is such a nice view. I love your round arse" Luc whispered in his ear. And Arthur was fully hard again.

In the shower, the two parts of Arthur started to move in synch. It was like running, it was like perfect passes between team mates. He and Luc were laughing into each other's mouths and saying sorry I took so long and sorry I never said anything, swallowing shower water with each kiss. At the same time Luc was palming his cock, then leaning him over, then sucking the water off the small of his back. So this was why people said love was a feast. Arthur felt like he had a certain amount of hunger he could spend on taking and taking Luc and that it was a huge amount, like he wouldn't be full for a long time if ever. Luc's mouth tickling his tail bone made him think of his own mouth on Luc, everywhere..

"I want to lick you" he heard himself say, "Come on let me. I want to bury my face in your arse come on please. Come on." But he didn't look up in time, didn't move and instead it was Luc's hands that spread his arse cheeks apart and it was Luc who knelt behind and was licking him, sloppy and fast and he was sticking one finger in already. The finger was pumping in him and his tongue was hard and soft at the same time. Arthur forgot all about controling the situation, losing himself instead to pushing back on the tongue and the fingers that were opening him up and teasing him with pleasure, so much pleasure.

"God I love to fuck" he thought. He must have said it out loud because Luc laughed. 

"So do I too. Especially pretty blond boys like you." Then he was pulling away. Arthur knew he was putting on the condom, which seemed stupid somehow in the spray of water, even if he was too smart to refuse it. Arthur braced himself unable to look back into the spray to know when it was coming. Luc's hands encircled his waist. Then it was there, a nudge at his entrace, impossible, impassable at first until it wasn't impossible, was perfect Arthur moaned in anticipation and arched his back. It didn't feel that good yet but it was going to and he loved to open like this. He closed his eyes, grunting as Luc sank in. They were moving together. Arthur shifted up and ouc's hands tightened on his hips and...there it was, Yes.

Arthur had almost never been loud with a guy before. Those times were usually hurried and in public places. Sophia, of course had liked it when he made noise and he'd always half wanted to be overheard then to prove he was with a girl, anyway. Now was different; he wasn't thinking, just groaning trying to catch the rhythm, almost catching it, losing it and then there and again. Luc reached around and pumped his cock Perfect. He knew he was moaning and calling out over the pounding of the shower as the pleasure built, but he didn't care.

It must have been the noise that attracted Sophia. He didn't notice her until she said his name and even then he couldn't see her through the steamed up door.

"So who're you fucking in there, Arthur? " She rapped, hard. He could see the color on her nails. "I know it's you. I know what you sound like. Don't tell me it's that black girl I heard you were grinding with."

Arthur stiffened under Luc and straightened a bit as Luc 's hands slipped away. Cold blood rushed through him. This was it.

"Sorry to dissapoint, Soph." He projected his voice above the sound of the water. "You know who I fuck isn't any of your business any more, yeah? considering I broke up with you 3 months ago."

"Oh please Arthur, you know you don't know what you want."

Silence. He didn't rise to that.

"You need someone to force you a little bit don't you?." He recognized her wheedling tone. This was where she would start the insults, only now he could finally finally say something back." I bet you can't really keep it properly hard for her, can you? " she said. "Come out and I'll take care of everything."

Dimly Arthur heard Luc suck in a breath behind him as he opened the door. 

"Come in if you want Sophia, but I think you'll see you don't know anything about my dick at all."

Sophie's blond ponytail and Sophie's rouged mouth and Sophie's fucking perfume filled the space that had been his and Luc's , followed by Sophie's scream.

"Oh My God that French guy is ... Oh my God you're a faggot. Well that just explains it all, doesn't it" And there it was. The opening.

Arthur shrugged. "I'm bi, actually, Soph so all it really explains is why I let you touch me. Cos I thought I needed to have a cover up and you're such a loud mouth bitch you did the job."

She was taken aback, literally. Arthur crowed inside as her saw her wobble two steps back in her stupid heels. But he wasn't done yet. Say more, he willed her. And she obliged. 

"Well I'm not as loud as you. You squeal like a pig don't you, taking it up the arse. I'll be sure to tell everybody on my way out. Arthur Pendragon digs dick."

Arthur enjoyed the sneer he felt take over his face. He mimicked his father's most condescending tone for speaking to PA's. "Could you be a dear and do that, Sophie?, I'd meant to tell everyone myself but I've been busy tonight."

There was a bang and the door shut. Yes, It was done. And it had gone off just as he planned. Better. Arthur turned around, a huge victory grin on his face, only to meet a flying fist.

"Fuck you, you asshole. Fuck you!" Arthur held one hand to his chin and tried to stabalize himself with the other while Luc pushed past him to get out of the shower. What the hell was wrong with that boy? he was crying and muttering to himself in French. By the time Arthur had grabbed a towel and run out after him, Luc was already zipping up his clothes, half soaked through and trembling, either with tears or rage.

"I can't believe it." He was saying "I can't believe I thought this would be a nice memory to take home. I can't believe for a second I thought you were a nice person. He bared his teeth at Arthur. Ok so definitely rage.

"Please Luc, calm down. Is it Sophia? I can explain." Arthur was hopping on one foot desperately trying to get his jeans on before Luc left the room.

"Just shut up shut up. It's bad enough. It's bad enough that we were interrupted by your fucking girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend." Arthur couldn't believe Luc had missed that point.

"Whatever, OK But then you invited her in. I was making love to you and you asked that bitch to open the door!" Luc paused to glare at him and the adrenaline coursed through Arthur's veins. It was the bad kind of adrenaline, the cold kind that meant you'd already lost. But he had to try. Arthur always tried. 

"I know it looks bad, Luc and I meant to tell you why I had to talk to her."

"You enjoyed it!" Luc was shouting now, as he forced on his shoes, not even tying them. "You were smiling!"

"Look I hate Sophia and I really like you."

"You forgot I was even there!" 

There was a pause while they stared at each other, pulses pounding in their necks. Then it was over.

Arthur didn't have a comeback to that. It was true. He had forgotten. Fuck. All he could do was shake his head as Luc fled the room.

The trip down stairs took considerably longer than the one upstairs. Arthur dragged his feet at first to avoid Luc and Lance as they went out the door. Probably if he listened hard he could have made out what their voices were saying. He didn't try. 

Instead he listened to an interior monologue that he would have given anything to avoid but that he couldn't turn off. Facts about himself didn't often stare Arthur in the face, but once he knew something, he couldn't ignore it.  
A He had shaken off Sophia  
B. He had gotten together with Luc  
C. Everything had gone exactly as planned and yet it was all a colossal failure

because   
D. What he planned was wrong.

Why was he so stupid? The hold Sophia had on him would have died without the dramatic reveal. It was just his fucking pride he had to get revenge. Why on earth did he think it was important to get revenge on Sophia when all that mattered, the only fucking thing that mattered was kissing a cute boy at a party, and laughing together at the same time and...maybe one day meeting in London or Paris. That would never happen now. Hell by the time Luc was done talking probably every gay man in both cities would have him on some kind of don't date this asshole card.

And he hadn't even wondered what Luc would think of the revenge thing, just assumed he'd roll with being the means to one of Arthur's future CEO style plans. Why was he such a dickhead? Unbidden Morgana's voice came to his mind. Undoubtedly his half sister had a nice thorough answer to that question, but he didn't have to seek that out, so he was just going to turn her off, thank you very much.

By the time he returned to the party Arthur had remembered that not only was he a complete berk, he was probably disinherited, and homeless and furthermore he had alienated the only family that was likely to take him, as he was, no questions asked, because there was no way Lance was going to let what he did to Luc go. All in all it was past time to get drunk.

So deep in despond was Arthur that he couldn't figure out why so many people were smiling at him when he got to the back door where Lance always kept his mystery punch. And then he realized. These were his friends and this was the "you just got laid committee". He looked them over. Percival was looming over the punch, practically blocking his way, the big git, but his smile was just jovial, Gwaine looked wicked, as usual. Elyan was smirking, but it looked a bit forced and Leon was laughing, but his ginger complexion was giving away his real feelings; he was embarrassed. This was the coming out committee, then too. Well hell, he would take it. At least no one here was going to punch him in the face.

"So fancy seeing all of you ladies here" he raised his eyebrows as he elbowed Percival's bulk off of the cooler. 

"So I hear you're gay." Percy said, "Does that mean Sophia's available?"

"Bi actually. I like girls, too. Except Sophia." He toasted an imaginary drink in Percey's direction.

"Like me then, nice bro," Gwaine knocked his knuckled fist into Arthur's unready hand. Arthur batted the fist away and whacked Gwaine lightly over the head with an open palm.

"I am nothing like you, Orkney" Everyone laughed because really no one was like Gwaine and they all knew it. 

It was good to be in on a joke, jibing with every one else after a day of being uncertain and at loggerheads with so many people. Arthur had almost forgotten that this was what his life was usually like. He felt himself relax a little into the familiar camaraderie. He depressed the button on the cooler to fill a paper cup from the stack on the table and took a long sip of the resulting pinkish liquid. It was grotty and mysterious as usual.

"So you all don't feel a little weird with me now" he asked. "I don't know. in the showers etcetera?" Arthur winced at his own words. A vision of Luc's dripping grimacing face flashed before his eyes Why had he brought up showers?

"Are you kidding me?" Gwaine put an arm around his shoulders and pretended to whisper in his ear,sotto vocce " I ogle these boys every chance I get and they love it. Very vain these footballer types."

This time Leon gave Gwaine the whack. "Oh shut up, you cretin."

Arthur put his hands over his ears. "Don't say cretin. Luc says cretin."

Gwaine's gossip seeking eyebrow went up. "So you and the exchange student, right?"

Arthur shook his head and groaned "It was a disaster, all right. I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh but I do" Gwaine's salacious grin was exaggerated on purpose. Arthur knew that he wouldn't insist. He looked over at Leon, who had gone quiet. They had been friends a long time, longer than any of the others and Arthur knew Leon might not be happy about the whole secret thing. Maybe not even so comfortable with the whole liking blokes thing if he was honest. Perhaps it would be best to stick to the less x rated side of his miserable coming out saga.

"Actually the disaster with Luc was the least of it," he told them, looking mostly at Leon "I think I got disowned right before I came here."

"Well you've been busy, mate." Gwaine actually sounded a little impressed. It was bizarre what impressed Gwaine.

"yeah no kidding" Elyan shook his head. Arthur could tell his teammates's own sympathy was making him more comfortable with the whole my- friend- is- a -cocksucker thing.

"How can you not be sure whether or not you were disowned?" Leon asked baldly. He was a very logical person. The words might have sounded cold, but It felt good to know his old friend from nursery was there to shed his harsh objective light on this part of his life too.

"Well I told him I was going to bring home dates of both genders, you know."

"Dates?" Pericval shook his big jug head, "Who says dates?"

"Shut up, Percy. How many times have you come out to Uther Pendragon, right wing media mogul?"

"Point." 

"Anyway, he told me it was fine as long as I left the boys at the door of Chez Pendragon." Internally Arthur winced at his own words again. He had done French A levels but now was not the time to remember any of it, not now!

"So keep it on the down low and you're clear." 

Elyan rolled his eyes at Gwaine. "How long have you been waiting to say "On the down low?"

Gwaine flashed his cheeky grin. "Might have been a while."

"I refused that condition and a lot of things got said" Arthur shrugged. He wasn't sure he wanted to share all the stuff about his mum and Morgana's mum just then. "Bottom line is I was the one that left, but the offer on the table was I'm not really welcome, So I don't want to go back..."

Leon got up and lumbered over to Arthur's side. To Arthur's experienced eye, his old friend looked about 6 drinks in. Arthur prepared to be hugged. Sure enough a long arm descended awkwardly over his shoulder.

"I doubt it'll really come to that mate, but if you've got no place to stay we could probably tolerate you for a while."

There was a chorus of aboslutelys etc. It was astounding to Arthur how few people his age really thought ahead. 

"Well thanks for now, but what about the Fall term in a few weeks.. aren't you lot planning on going to Uni?". Everyone looked shocked. Arthur snorted. Really there was a reason he was captain.

"And that's the clincher, isn't it? I've got to figure out how to pay for Uni now." There was a stunned silence as they considered, many of them, Arthur suspected, for the first time, what it meant to not be able to do something because it cost money.

Gwaine recovered first as usual.

"I think you'd probably earn a fair bit turning tricks, pretty boy like you." He winked. "Twice as much maybe, since you swing both ways." 

Leon shuffled toward the door. "Once again Gwaine, you give me the strength to move on to another room. Arthur, we'll talk later?" Arthur nodded at Leon. 

"Yeah, yeah piss off. Just want you to know I'm hitting you all up for cash in the exact order you exit."

As soon as Arthur joked about being strapped, the tension left the room, as he had known it would. The music and shouting and general din of the party also shifted then. It sounded like someone had turned the speakers out toward the patio.

"Come on," Elyan said, craning his neck out the door where a series of ever louder splashes could be heard around the corner, "I think they're starting to throw people in the pool."

"I'm in " called Percival already running. "You coming Gwaine, Arthur?"

Arthur shook his head. "I need to get a lot drunker."

Gwaine just waved them off. "Catch you later."


	5. Gwaine

Gwaine grabbed Athur's cup of punch, crumpling the paper cup and tossing it-accurately-into the bin across the room.

God Arthur did not need these games now. " Since when have you joined the sobriety wagon.?" I said I needed to get pissed."

Gwaine poured on his slow syrupy smile. Arthur wondered if that look worked on straight boys like it did on him. 

"And so you will, my friend, if you want, but a day like you've had, you're getting tea and whiskey."

Arthur groused but followed Gwaine into the kitchen. All in all when it came to drinking it was best to follow Gwaine's advice. He sat at the long farm table where he'd had so many meals with Lance's family and tried not to wince as Gwaine climbed on the cooktop in his dirty trainers, leaving clear prints behind him as he poked in around till he had gathered bone china cups, a box of PG tips and a bottle of single malt whiskey which apparently was kept in the back of a cupboard above the refrigerator. Judging from the dust, Gwaine was the only person who remembered it existed. 

Arthur cleaned up size 10 footprints with a sponge as Gwaine made the tea and poured a generous slosh of whiskey for each of them.

"So what's Luc like?" Gwaine asked when they were both settled at the table.

"Eager, sloppy" Arthur heard his devastating summation as if it came from far away. He sounded like his father.

"He's well fit though. "

"Yeah." Part of Arthur wanted to confess. Tell Gwaine how wonderful it had been to kiss Luc under the water. Most of him didn't want to talk about it. Now or ever.

"You know I spent all term trying to tap that."

"He said no?" Arthur couldn't keep the surprise from his voice. Why would anyone reject Gwaine? The man had those twinkly eyes girls always went for and hips like a snake. 

Gwaine tipped his head at Arthur's implied compliment. "Lance says he has a thing for blondes."

Arthur remembered the time Luc had mentioned his hair. It was a relief to find out there was something less than exemplary about Luc's character. "Yeah, wow,shallow."

Gwaine shrugged. "Some people have a type." He paused. "So you don't sound like you liked him all that much."

That was what he sounded like Arthur knew. It wasn't fair; it wasn't true. He could feel the temptation to leave it at that, but ultimately the reason he stopped sounding like a cold dick was because it didn't work on Gwaine. The impervious bastard would just ignore him or laugh at him until he said something real. Arthur sighed.  
"I did like him, actually. But I bollocksed it up. He actually ran screaming from the room."

"Yeah I heard something like that. So was it your technique?"

Arthur knew Gwaine was joking but he was still mildly offended

"He was fucking me, actually."

"Really? Well then Pendragon I guess someone finally found the stick up your arse."

"Ha ha. very original" Arthur tipped back his chair half hoping he would fall and change the topic, but of course he had very good balance, even tipsy. "It 's kind of a long story."

Gwaine grinned big. 

"It's summer. We've got time".

So Arthur told the whole story about Sophia and the taunting and the revenge and the mistake. Gwaine made him tell that part three times and he laughed harder each time.

"So let me get this straight. You've just had a romantic encounter in the shower and now it's all coming together, Luc's pumping away behind you -Gwaine mimicked the motion-and you start a punch and judy show with Sophia. Gwaine mimed two puppets hitting each other-With his cock up your arse. And you thought he'd congratulate you? Because you won?"

By the time Gwaine had finished laughing, Arthur's face felt hot with embarrassment but the knot in his stomach had eased a little.

"So do you think Lance will forgive me?"

Gwaine shook his head. "Obviously not. You're a terrible person."

"Shut up, Orkney. I'm serious. I know Lance will forgive me eventually. It's just I need a place to stay tonight. And I'm not sure I want to meet Leon's parents right now, or yours, no offense."

"None taken. Listen I know a party after this one...."

Arthur smiled. "Say no more. I"m already there"

Gwaine gave him an appraising look. "It's not really your scene. Kind of an art world meets university thing. You might hate it."

"I don't care" And for once Arthur was glad that Gwaine was a careless reckless disaster because that was good enough for him; they were already out the door. They took Arthur's car because despite Gwaine's urging Arthur hadn't finished his whiskey. He'd already thrown that stuff up once that day after all. Besides he didn't trust Gwaine behind a wheel. The man didn't see lanes.

It turned out to be a party at ________University. Gwaine had been invited by some people he knew there. Why wasn't he surprised that Gwaine' s never ending circle of friends included people a few years older? Hell if man had colonies on the moon, Gwaine would know people there, and have shagged a few. Not that he was intimidated. It occurred to Arthur that it wasn't just pity that made Gwaine pick him to take along. Between parties at Westingouse Inc. and the clubs he'd frequented all year, Arthur had long been ready to move on from school.

But maybe he wasn't ready for the art scene, he decided a minute later. The party was at the art center, a huge glass and steel affair that glowed with lights and vibrated with music like a bee hive. Inside was like nothing Arthur had ever experienced. It was either a collective performance art piece, or someone's wealthy parents had made a large donation in return for hosting the event, or it was a colossal prank. Arthur thought maybe all three.

One room had light reactive paint that recorded images of everyone dancing there every three minutes when the strobe lights went on. The middle room was elegant and had high ceilings and a marble stair, the kind of place Arthur's father went to when people wanted to fleece him for their charities. The only difference was the punch bowls were all full of jello shots in primary colors. Just in case that wasn't nauseating enough, the gallery next to that one had a slip'n slide down the middle, surrounded by open tins of paint. Giddy half naked students were taking turns filling the slide with paint and flinging themselves down the resulting mess. It was a compeititve event with the best players able to cruise to the opposite wall and smack a print there for posterity.

Needless to say Gwaine made a bee-line for that room. 

"Come on Princess, take off your clothes. I know you're not shy" he shouted behind him. One jello shot in, Arthur just shook his head and watched Gwaine perform a strip tease for a crowd of large raucous girls who should have been cut off a few shots ago. Twenty minutes later he was planting his own palms on the wall, arms spread-eagled and buttocks in the air. Gwaine, who had gone so many times his stomach burned, gave him a high five.

"Time to go, captain."

"What do you mean?" Arthur was having a really good time. He was pretty sure he kept catching this cute girl's eye, too. At least he thought it was the same person. It was hard to tell in all the crush and the noise and the flying paint.

"This has reached its peak. That's when it's time to leave. Before it gets over ripe"  
"OK. Trust you to have strict partying rules, Gwaine." Gwaine shrugged, making some of his paint drip a little more. In his current condition, Arthur found this annoying.   
"Where can I go now? I'm covered with paint. When this dries I won't be able to talk, like the tin woodsman."

Gwaine gave Arthur's hair a yank. "No worries, Dorothy. I've been here before. I know where there's a big fountain around the corner. We can wash up and cruise the respectable room." 

Arthur hadn't seen any respectable rooms but he knew he had no where else to go so he followed Gwaine outside. The Fountain was there as promised, huge as a regulation pool, and open to the night.

Even drunk his heart rate spiked as he watched Gwaine take off his under clothes and step in the fountain. And not in a good way.

"My God, we could be arrested." He tried to keep his shriek low.

"Well you've got nothing left to lose." Gwaine smirked up at him. Water so chlorinated you could smell it dripped off his shoulders and down his familiar cut torso. Arthur sighed. It was almost true. Logic wasn't really Gwaine's long suit. Arthur knew all too well; he had gotten his long haired friend out of many a scrape since they'd met in year 4.. Arthur wondered if they would see each other much in the future. The thought made him suddenly sad. Fuck it. The time to enjoy was now. Arthur stripped off his pants, jumping in with a splash to Gwaine's whooping encouragement.

It felt good to swim through the shallow water after his friend, watching Gwain's long hair flow behind him. Arthur caught him by one slender ankle and for a minute as they spluttered and wrestled he felt free and beautiful and at ease. Then they got out and he was cold and terrified until he felt safely dressed again. Arthur wasn't a coward but there was no way that getting arrested for trespassing and indecent exposure was going to improve his chances right now, disowned or no.

The respectable room turned out to be a gallery away from the rest. It was more like what Arthur had expected, with ordinary students and younger lecturers drinking wine and beer. Someone had formed a kind of conga line that absorbed Gwaine and Arthur like an amoeba. Next thing Arthur knew he was standing in a swaying circle, arms around everyone, kissing the girl next to him slow and dirty. Why not? He noticed everybody in their little knot was kissing both people on either side, regardless of gender. Probably artsy types did this kind of thing all the time, right? Who was he to judge? Anyway, it reminded him oddly of old rules of dinner-table conversation -be sure to speak to the person on either side of you! Arthur giggled at the thought. He was well and truly pissed. When the girl turned her head to kiss the person on her other side, he turned as well and kissed Gwaine. Well it's not really a very respectable room, after all he thought, before he stopped thinking.

Arthur had always known in the back of his mind that he would kiss Gwaine some day. He'd known his friend would taste like lipgloss or cannabis or ink or something else he shouldn't and that he'd slip his tongue in a minute before Arthur got around to it himself. He'd known that they'd clash a bit- didn't they always, until they found a rhythm. Arthur had just never figured they'd be lost in a little circle of other kissers. He was just coming to terms with this and thinking, "Ginger" he tastes like ginger this time, where did he get ginger? when suddenly Gwaine was pulling away. 

"There's someone I want you to meet." He stared straight into Arthur's eyes, like a dog trainer commanding stay. " I'll be right back." Then he was lost in the party. Immediately someone else slipped in to take his place

"Ooh I know where I want to link in" The girl who said this was very fair, with red cheeks and prominent breasts. She had slender fingers, though, when she cupped them around Arthur's neck. Her kisses felt both softer and more exuberant than the other girl's, as if she were thrilled to get to know him and wasn't just drunk. "You're really hot' she whispered. Arthur was just beginning to hope this might be something, when she too was gone,

"Gwaine!" She shrieked. Arthur turned around in time to see the blond girl leaping into Gwaine's arms. She was by no means tiny, but Gwaine caught her easily, kissing her at the same time. Soon they were snogging with intent. Arthur found himself feeling a bit of a fool.

"Hey, Orkney, I didn't know you had a girl friend." he called out. Gwaine put her down with no sign of embarrassment.

"This is Elena." He grinned down proudly at her. "She's the person I wanted you to meet."

"Oh we've met!" Elena gave him a look that was frankly appreciative, but not coy, "He's Arthur, the one you were telling me about, yeah? Blond, fit, dresses conservative."

"Oi! Gwaine, your girlfriend knows all about me and I don't even know she exists? Even for you this is iffy." Arthur was not just pretending to be annoyed. He hated feeling wrong footed like this. Gwaine skipped a beat, probably digging up an excuse and Elena answered for him.

"Oh I'm not Gwaine's girlfriend yet. We're letting him ripen him for a few years, first, you know?"

"I'm like a fine wine, me," Gwaine said happily, giving Elena a bit of a squeeze.

"He means he's a kind of a slag and a liitle young for me" Elena clarified. Arthur found himself laughing out loud at her tactlessness. 

"But we love him anyway, right?"

"Yes, exactly." she said with complete sincerity. "So listen it's late and when the bubbles pop you two will realize that you're a lot soggier than you thought. Why don't you both come to mine?"

If it had been any other night Arthur would have said no. It was awkward enough meeting Gwaine's girlfriend right after he'd been kissing the girl himself- and she was obviously a girlfriend whatever they wanted to claim- but Arthur was still catching up with the fact that he'd kissed Gwaine as well. He didn't think it mattered. Actually he was almost positive it didn't, but all in all it would be better to bow out now. Except he had no place else to go.

"Thank you, Elena, normally I wouldn't impose, but I've really no other option tonight. It's this or a park bench. Or Leon's where they smell my breath to see if I'm drunk."

"Oh I definitely want you at mine." She winked. Arthur didn't know anyone who actually winked outside of fiction. Well there was Gwaine. Actually, that explained a lot. The two of them were frighteningly perfect for each other. Walking to Elena's flat, watching them hold hands, he was stunned to realise that out of all the people he knew it was his feckless, remorseless flirt of a friend who was the first person his age he had ever seen genuinely in love. He felt blindsided, somehow. He'd signed on for a tear with someone he thought he could count on to be more of an idiot than himself. Instead he was watching two people who were both friends and lovers have fun together, something he wasn't even sure he believed in to be honest. The thought sent a pang of loneliness through his gut that he could actually feel as a physical pain. He hadn't thought that was real either.

When they got to the flat, Arthur was relieved to see that it was clean, sparsely furnished and empty. He'd had enough chaos for one night. Elena explained that her flatmates had yet to turn up for the beginning of term so they had the place to themselves. Then she ran to the kitchen to fetch water in orange IKEA tumblers.

"Don't want you boys hung over," she explained, flinging herself over the two of them on the couch and almost knocking the water over in the process She snuggled under Gwaine's chin and tucked cold manicured feet under Arthur's shirt. Her legs were long and slender under a yellow sundress, though Arthur could tell her hips and breasts were on the meaty side. His fingers itched a bit to pull the rest of the dress aside, to see the rise of her belly. He suspected she would like that, that she wanted some sort of threesome but he didn't know whether that was something he could do with someone else's girlfriend or even how to bring it up.

Apparently she had no such compunction, because the second Gwaine left to use the toilet she just came out with it.

"So have you two ever shagged?" She asked. "When Gwaine told me he liked boys I asked if he was having it off in the changing rooms, you know with all the sport he does, but he said there was only one bloke there he'd likely fuck. So I think that must have been you."

When in doubt Arthur liked to stick to facts. "I've never slept with Gwaine" he said.

"Oh too bad." She answered brightly, "He's kind of wonderful." There was a pause. Elena looked down. "I have to admit I lied" she said a little huskily.

"You're capable of lying?" Arthur raised his brows.

"It was on someone else's behalf!" Elena protested. "I'm better then. Anyway I told Gwaine I wouldn't mention that I've always wanted to see him with a bloke, you know? I mean it's something I can't do and it would make me really happy!" Her eyes were shining. Oh God. Arthur could see down corridors of the future; he would always do whatever this sweet, tiggerish person asked. "I said I wouldn't mention that he mentioned that there was this one person on his team who would probably enjoy that."

Elena leapt to her feet with a guilty start "Oh Hey Gwaine!" Really Arthur was never going to get used to these spastic movements of hers. "Unlike you two I haven't been underwater yet tonight, so I'm just going to wash up a little." 

Arthur rubbed his hands over his eyes, suddenly tired of this whole messed up day. He stood up, looked at the door, then back at Gwaine.

"So Elena seems to think you've talked about the three of us... " Arthur wasn't sure he wanted to say it outloud.

Gwaine didn't even look abashed,. "I may have mentioned it to her. I didn't say that you'd do anything, necessarily just that you might not mind a girl and a guy."

He'd only just come out today but Gwaine must have told Elena long before that. Arthur thought of all the effort he had put into keeping that part of his life secret. Apparently a waste.

"So how did you know? Was it that obvious I like cock?" Arthur tried and failed to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

"Actually, no." Gwaine kept his eyes locked on Arthur's " Sophia makes a great distraction. You got that right." Gwaine paused and looked away for a second, "Look. Let me be honest. I may have seen you around when you didn't see me, first, yeah?"

Arthur narrowed his eyes, trying to calculate where he had been and reframing various lies he'd told. Not that it mattered anymore.

"I didn't think you'd have seen me at a club, by yourself, somehow." He was just trying to figure it out, but it appeared he was making Gwaine feel guilty because he actually placed a pacifying hand on Arthur's shoulder.

"Look, Arthur, everyone knows about that gym in the fourth, OK?" Arthur felt himself blushing, but Gwaine just kept on, "Actually, you kind of have a reputation there." 

God, how humiliating was that? How could Arthur have been such a fool to feel so free there? A video of himself sidling up to people he thought hadn't known who he was, who he'd done everything you could imagine with, ran through his head with new unpleasant overtones. Now Arthur felt hot prickles before his eyes. He tried to step around Gwaine before he teared up, but Gwaine was used to blocking Arthur on the field. He put his arms around Arthur and whispered into his ear.

"It's a very good reputation. Everyone says this blond kid who goes there is pretty and has nice manners, right? And he's always asking to try something new." Gwaine wound himself tighter around Arthur so that Arthur could feel how taught and warm his chest was. "I knew it had to be you." Gwaine held him for a moment, breathing against his neck. When Arthur felt the gentle brush of lips there, he pushed him away.

"I appreciate it, Gwaine, but I don't sleep with my friends, all right?" Gwaine just cocked his head and smiled like it was all already settled. 

"Is that a philosophy or are you just afraid of feeling like a tit after?"

Arthur remembered one time that Gwaine had said he often turned his brain off when he asked a question, because his body always got the answer first. No point lying.

"I guess the second if I'm honest," He admitted. Gwaine smiled wider.

"He's in" he called out to Eli.

"Excellent! she called back, bouncing into the room a second later she gave Arthur a wet smack on the cheek. "He's really fit, right? And he seems all gentlmanly. I bet we'll get flowers" Arthur shook his head, tiggers, definitely tiggers the both of them.

"Don't worry, mate." Gwaine clapped on the back so hard it almost hurt. "If it doesn't work out I have no problem just ordering pizza and playing pinnochle. And neither does Eli." Arthur didn't doubt him


	6. Gwaine and Elena

Arthur was dancing with Elena. Gwaine had put some kind of deep rumbly-voiced singer on and was turning on a bunch of uplights in different colors that he vaguely recognized as Gwaine's photography equipment. Arthur remembered Gwaine mentioning he used a friend;s place as a studio. He let the thought fade out. It felt nice to just rest in a girl's arms, not thinking of any tactical maneuvers. Elena smelled pleasantly of lavender and that girl sweat that was like warm hay and didn't go rancid so fast as boy sweat. He nuzzled into the soft of her neck and placed a hand at the generous swell of her hip.

"Nice." He could feel Gwaine's breath as he spoke behind him, hands pulled his shirt over his head. It was smooth; Arthur had to admit. Then he felt two hands squeeze his arse cheeks so hard he yelped. Gwaine moved out of range and stood behind Elena. "I've wanted to do that since year 8 he said," cheeky grin on display. "I bet everyone does that to you."

Arthur snorted. "You're the only one who made it hurt."

Gwaine shrugged, "Well I've known you longer. Privileges" Elena lifted up her head,   
"Do I get privileges?"

Gwaine leaned in behind her, kissing her neck.

"Absolutely, you're the girl, after all"

He pulled the straps of Elena's sundress down, cupping her breasts and as they sprang free. They were glorious- round and, milky white with large pink aureoles that were flushing darker even as Arthur watched. Arthur wanted nothing more than to sink his face into the responsive skin there, but something about the way Gwaine was offering his girlfriend up made him feel queasy, as if it were just hospitality: Here eat my ginger candies, come to my party, take my girlfriend's tits. He took a step backward.

Elena's pretty face fell. "He's afraid of me." she said, her voice a little small. "Are you sure he likes girls? Or is it me?"

Arthur colored and looked at his feet. But before he could feel awkward Gwaine was all over him like the shame police. He snaked around behind Arthur and covered Arthur's eyes.

"Arthur likes girls just fine. He breathed into Arthur's neck. Arthur hardened immediately. He could feel Gwaine smile into his neck, "He's just a bit chivalrous, he thinks you're mine, am I right Arthur?"

"Pretty much," Arthur answered. It was much easier to talk now that he couldn't see. How did Gwaine know these things?

"But you trust me. I wouldn't ask you if I didn't know it would be good for all of us, right?"  
Arthur tried to grab at Gwaine's hands, "I'd trust you with my life, Gwaine. I'm not so sure about my girlfriend." He could hear Elena snigger at that.

Gwaine kept one hand over Arthur's eyes while placing the other over the growing bulge in his jeans, "Elena and I would like to share, OK? You don't have to if you don't want, of course, but you don't want her to get the wrong idea about you."  
He unbuttoned just the top button of Arthurs jeans and skimmed a thumb over Arthur's cock. Arthur caught his breath.

"So what's your favorite thing about women, Arthur?" Gwaine was squeezing the whole head now between two fingers, which was odd but good. It was hard to think.

"I like how wet they get, how many times in a row they can come."

"Oh that's nice. How about Elena. Is she attractive to you?" Gwaine was unbuttoning more now, taking his whole cock out. Arthur swallowed,

"Yes."

"Do you want to lick her tits?" 

"Uuh." Arthur was having a hard time formulating his response, "Yes." he panted. "Gwaine, you fucker, I'm going to come if you keep that up." 

"OK. Gwaine took his hands away and reached around to tuck him back in. It was a lot harder to put everything away. Elena was staring at him with un concealed delight. Her cheeks were crimson.

"You have a really nice dick, wow. Can I watch Gwaine suck you off?" Was she for real? Arthur couldn't help laughing. He felt a strange, giddy thing welling up in him. 

"Whatever you want. I give in." As Elena grabbed his hand, and Gwaine caught the other one and they followed her tug into the little bedroom, Arthur thought he knew what the feeling was. It was complete acceptance. 

The little room was almost all futon. As soon as they were in, stood at the foot of the bed, Gwaine pulled the rest of Elena''s sundress off of her, kissing her shoulder. Arthur stepped forward, placed his hands on her full hips, marveling at the round swell of her belly. He'd never seen a girl who looked like this naked before. All the other girls he knew were either pudgy or skinny. Elena looked like the women in paintings- small waist, fragile wrists, mounded flesh. "You're so beautiful," he whispered. He passed his hand over the swell of her belly and sank to his knees before her. She was so fair that even her pubic hair was pale. He closed his hands over her waist, glorying in the contrast as he kissed over the roundness below, rubbing his face like a cat and trailing his open mouth over her belly.

"Oh!" There was a soft inhalation. Arthur looked up to see Gwaine's fingertips skating over Elena's nipples. She was looking down at him. As their eyes met, Gwaine switched to pinching and rolling and Elena closed her eyes.

It only took a slight push to have her on her back, spread out for him. Arthur thought he had never seen anything so purely sexual as the contrast between her red and pink cunt and the blond hair above it. He buried his nose in her folds, mouthing and licking, not to bring her off yet but just to rut in the smell of her. He grabbed one silky thigh in each hand and pushed to splay her more. God it was amazing how wide a girl could go. He placed one finger on her clit like he was telling her to be quiet and sought out Gwaine. He was taking off his clothes and throwing them in the corner. Elena had her weight on her elbows, looking at him. Arthur smiled and circled the pad of his finger gently over Elenda's clit, listening for the moan. There it was.

"You want me to lick you now, Elena?" 

"Fuck yeah." It was Gwaine who asnwered. Arthur heard the click of the lube cap as Gwaine spread it on his jutting cock. Arthur had never seen him hard before. Jesus he was a sight, dark and taught every where except for the red of his cock head. 

"Oh fuck," he said. Gwaine met his eye and gave himself a little stroke, squeezing a drop from the head.

Elena started whimpering so Arthur returned his attention to the sweet salty wet of her pussy. Arthur pulled the skin of the mound taught with the heel of one hand to reveal more of her, but he didn't lick yet, just dragged his lips and sucked as the nub of flesh hardened under his mouth. Soon she was bucking under her hand. He leaned in and started flicking his tongue up and down directly on the nub of her. When he tried to kiss again her hand pushed into his hair. "Don't you get arty on me now." 

He heard Gwaine laugh, "Is that a pun?"

"Shut up, Gwaine." Elena sounded strained and Arthur wasn't surprised when he felt her hand push his head closer to her. He forced his tongue to stay licking in place, but a little harder,, a little faster. Finally she tensed and screamed. She ran with juices all over till his whole face was wet with it. Arthur laughed, peeking at her limp happy face. His face was numb everywhere but he didn't care. This was the best part when she was all over him and he smelled it all over himself while he pushed her down and mounted her. 

"Elena if you don't want me to fuck you, you'd better stop me now," he warned.

"Woah there stallion." Arthur didn't know when Gwaine had gotten behind him. His hands were braced on his shoulders. Arthur was torn between the urge to fight free and the urge to sink back into this new source of heat. Gwaine began to suck on his neck and he sank.

"I'm going to fuck you now Arthur. You want that, yeah?" Arthur looked down at Elena. Her eyes were lidded; her head was back. He felt a return of the urge to fill her now, only this time he'd push Gwaine out of the way....He must have surged forward a lilttle because here were Gwaine's hands pulling his shoulders back. Gwaine was strong, as strong as he was, maybe stronger. Arthur tried the restraint, found it good and grunted a little with the effort and some with the pleasure of being held back.

"Oh yes" Elena's was obviously happy with that. "Come on Arthur. I really want to see Gwaine get his cock in your arse. I want to see how much you like it."

Gwaine wrapped his fingers around Arthur's cock and it was like lifting up a sluice gate. All the parts of him that used to be separate came together. He looked into Elena's bright blue eyes and leaned back onto Gwaine's shoulder, displaying himself for her. He'd done this for a man but never for a woman before. Sophia had always been more interested in his desperation than his pleasure and she had never eye fucked him like Elena was doing now.

Just like at practice, Gwaine sensed Arthur's change, knew he was surrendering. The hard hands turned soft, one stroking Arthur's cock,the other tracing his back. Gwaine flicked his tongue on Arthur's neck and then pushed, pushed him down with his hand between Arthur's shoulder blades. Arthur had never bared his hole to someone he knew well before. Staring into Elena's eyes, watching her pupils dilate, he arched his back and spread his knees for Gwaine, more intensely aroused than he had ever been. He wasn't sure who hissed "Yes." as Gwaine's finger circled and pressed into his entrance. It could have been any of them.

"You're still pretty open," Gwaine said. "It's so good Arthur. Gonna lick that slutty little hole of yours till you beg me, right?

"Yeah" Arthur wasn't t thinking anymore. he watched Elena's fingers return to her clit, felt Gwaine's tongue plucking at his rim and it all began to swirl into pleasure. It didn't even seem like someone else's idea when Gwaine gave Elena the condom and she rolled it on him. He knelt before her, easing slowly into the familiar clasping heat, only to feel the drag behind him of Gwaine's hands. He groaned and Gwaine gave him a singing smack on the buttock. "Wait." he hissed in Arthur's ear, hot breath making him shudder. Arthur found he didn't mind the command. He stilled, allowing Gwaine to breech him as he struggled not to move.

So now he took turns with his friend behind him to be the one who thrust forward and the one who waited. It took longer than conventional fucking, but once they had their cadence it was better than anything else he'd ever done. Filled from behind and enveloped from the front, he was touched everywhere, surrounded. It felt good. He kissed Elena when he fucked into her, laughing as her eyes tore away to watch Gwaine behind him.

"Such a greedy girl" Gwaine said. "Wish you could watch right here where my cock is pumping Arthur's arse. He's all plump and hot and tight."

"Yes, I want that." Elena forgot all about their rhythm, hauling Arthur down and licking at his chest. She wouldn't stay still, pulling herself up and trying to peer over his shoulder till finally Arthur pawed her over onto her hands and knees and fucked her from behind. Gwaine followed suit behind him, pistoning harder than Luc because he knew Arthur's body, knew the limits of his strength. It was swift and brutal and he was just wondering whether it was good for Elena cos God he didn't think he could learn forward to touch her, but he was just about to come, when she cried out. Arthur could hear a sob from behind him, felt Gwaine's hair brush his ear and the pulsing of his come inside him. It was too much. He came too, almost collapsing on top of Elena before he remembered he was a double weight. He moved back instead of forwards, right into Gwaine.

"Move you daft brute." Gwaine shoved and wrestled him into place. Arthur was too exhausted to care as he found out what a pillow felt like that was mauled and rearranged by a restless sleeper. He tried to collapse in a heap, but Elena murmured gently that she wanted to be in the middle.

"I've got privileges, remember?" 

He was too far gone to argue, just pressed his nose into the wetted lavender scent of her hair, fingers brushing slightly over Gwaine's as they met over her body, softer somehow than it had been all night. He fell asleep before he remembered what it was he was worried about, vaguely aware that it was something to do with what they'd just done, though he couldn't remember which bit of it exactly was supposed to be wrong.

 

Arthur woke to a cold flannel on his bum. "Sorry!" Somebody squealed above him. Arthur squinted toward the noise and the light. It was Elena. Right. That meant the warm presence next to him must be Gwaine, his friend Gwaine who he'd just let fuck him. Wow.

"I'm really sorry." Elena went on. "I just wanted to clean you up before it got late."

"You're still dripping on me." Arthur pointed out. She nodded frantically and sprang away with the flannel aloft, stepping all over Gwaine in the process.

Gwaine at least seemed accustomed to being woken by stomping and dripping and squealing. Or he had no trouble identifying the source.

"Just come back to bed, Els," he said without opening his eyes. He shot out one hand and grabbed Elena so that she fell back, slotting neatly between them. Arthur was pretty sure he did it blind. Gwaine's proprioceptive abilities were almost spooky.

After a few minutes she popped up her head, "I'm not tired," she said. Arthur sighed. Neither was he now. His arse was wet and he felt very very out of context. Gwaine just hummed and settled. From her nook between them, Elena looked back behind her shoulder at Arthur. She smiled a bit cheekily and Arthur revised his estimation of her IQ upwards a score. That flannel had not been accidental.

Sure enough, seconds later Elena was bent over Gwaine's lap sucking his entire flacid cock into her mouth. Gwaine gave one sleepy surprised groan before moving up to his elbows, grimacing with pleasure before he'd even gotten hard.

Elena made a meal of it. In Arthur's somewhat lopsided experience, girls tended to be a little daintier about sucking cock than men, like it was cheating if it got too messy. Elena however was slurping and humming with gusto, her big round arse waving in the air, the most naked arse by far that Arthur had ever seen. The urge to slap it was irresistible, so Arthur didnt' resist. When she and Gwaine both gasped, Arthur grinned and did it again. Normally he was afraid his hand would be too heavy on a girl, but Elena popped off of Gwain long enough to say, "Oh yeah like that!" before resuming her efforts. When Arthur lay down to watch she had clear imprints of his hand, red on her white skin.

Arthur couldn't stop watching. He was smiling down on Elena some soft way Arthur hadn't even known Gwaine was capable of.

"You're so lovely, Els," he said. He picked her up to kiss her for a minute and Arrthur got a glimpse of sliding stomach muscles, as he reached up. Gwaine looked up from the kiss, catching Arthur watching his body. His smile widened to include Arthur. With a wink, he pushed Elena off, revealing all the good things her attention had done for his prick. He brushed his fingers over himself, making sure his eyes were locked with Arthur's.

"What?" Elena's childish pout was the real thing, Arthur realized, that all the baby doll and lolly porn was trying for. She really wanted Gwaine's cock. Gwaine knew it, tracing a finger over her down turned mouth like he owned it.

"Don't worry, El's. There's lots for you to suck. Double the usual." 

Something about what he said felt sour to Arthur. "The usual". They did this all the time. Of course. For the first time since the dancing Arthur felt like an intruder, even though she turned and smiled at him, reached a finger to trace his mouth too. In the light of day everything was clearer. Those were Gwaine's riding gloves on the little table next to the condoms. Elena's contacts had knocked to the floor where her knickers lay in a heap with some shirt of Gwaine's, not one he had worn last night. This was not just some place they went to fuck where their parents wouldn't see. This was their bed. What was Arthur doing there exactly?

It reminded Arthur of the only other time he had had a threesome. He'd been in that gym, the one he'd never go back to now and there'd been a man staring at him. He was a lot older than his usual hook ups, maybe late 40's, fit, but a little hard. The look he gave Arthur was a little different from what he was used to, also. The other men always looked like it was an offer. Here I am, yes or no? This bloke's gaze had proffered an invitation. I see you. Can I show you, something? 

Maybe that 's why Arthur had said yes when he asked if he could take Arthur home. He never did that. "You remind me of someone," the man had said. "Do you mind if I share you?" The sinewy, calloused hand had stroked his cheek, waiting. 

"Sure, OK" It was so dumb to say yes, but the man's tremulous smile had reassured him.

The flat was huge, dim and red in the dying light of afternoon. Arthur had expected to feel awkward, perched on some invisible line of the leather couch, lost in someone else's life. Instead he had eased into the man's brawny chest as the man pulled him close with one arm. His breath had been heavy, his cock hard but the kisses he lavished on Arthur's neck and shoulders, pulling off his shirt so slowly he hardly ruffled his hair...they had been gentle and breathy. Arthur found himself leaning back into the unfamiliar body, easing into the stranger's scent. 

"That's it, my boy, so beautiful. And good too I bet." Arthur had tried to protest, but the man just leaned forward and pumped something from a container on the coffee table. "You are a good one" he'd murmured, reaching into Arthur's jogging pants for his cock. "You know all about duty, I bet and pleasing Daddy, but we're going to please you now." The man had stroked slowly, with relentless ease. As Arthur had begun to moan and forget, the kisses grew harder and wetter. He'd been about to come when   
the man started biting. Arthur found himself shouting in a darkened room. Then the man had carried him into the bedroom. He was not much taller than Arthur, but broad everywhere. Arthur had never felt so light. Then the switch turned on and Arthur saw the other man.

"Jonas," the other man said. He'd been reading. Arthur saw the book in his hand, the bedside lamp, it's light drowned now in the larger light of the room. He hadn't expected this, hadn't expected Arthur. "Hello" the reader said, his eyes on Arthur, but speaking, surely to Jonas. A world was in that one word. Arthur didn't know what all was said, but he felt the release of tension in the man-Jonas-behind him. The answer must have been yes.

 

The reader was of a height with the other man, but more slender; he moved like a dancer to close in on Arthur where he sat. He reached out an elegant hand, brushing Arthur's fringe from his eyes. "Do you mind, pretty boy if you remind me of someone else?" Arthur shook his head. "Good, then I'm going to fuck you, for Jonas. Give me a minute?"

He'd smiled coyly over his shoulder as he disappeared into the en suite. Arthur had the impression that he'd been some kind of performer. Then he'd come back with condoms and lube in his ringed hands. He'd laid everything aside and straddled Arthur, kissing his face with the kind of attention every one else had devoted to more obvious places. It had been wonderful and yet, terrifying to receive the love that these men remembered for someone else. In the end the slender man had pulled Arthur on to his lap with surprising strength, fucking into him from behind while Jonas sucked and licked his exposed cock. Some time before he came Jonas rocked back on his heels and watched as his lover stripped Arthur's cock for him. His eyes were so hungry; Arthur understood that this moment was what the entire event had been for.

When it was over the slender man had been all business, turning on lights, flirting and laughing. Finally he'd kissed Arthur on the forehead, patted him on the bum and shooed him out the door. Arthur hadn't seen Jonas since the sex. He heard his footsteps, though as he passed through the door. He'd felt a compulsion to turn back before it closed and was just in time to see Jonas take the other man in his arms. He hadn't known what to make of the experience. he didn't know what he felt about it. He'd chosen not to think of it again. Till now.

Now in Gwaine and Elena's bed he found himself an outsider again. "Arthur/" Gwaine's familiar voice recalled him to himself. "You all right?"

Arthur shook his head, deciding, "You know it's too late, Gwaine."

He looked them over, His friend and his girlfriend. flushed and warm. It was different from with the two older men. For one thing he was there as himself. He and Gwaine went way back and Elena, he was pretty sure, had waited for him in particular. He remembered her enthusiastic snogging at the party. Anyway, she liked him before she knew he was part of a plan. 

So he was not a toy, not a stranger, not a stand in for someone else. It was just they loved each other but they didn't love him.

And that was OK once, but that was enough.

"Listen, I've got a lot of work I've got to do." Gwaine looked at him, hand on his dick.

"What could you possibly have to do now; it's August. Stay in bed," he poured on the slow grin. 

"The world doesn't stop just for the month of August, Gwaine."

"Well I do." But he had already switched his attention to Elena and Arthur was putting on his clothes.

"Listen, I just don't want to go home until I have a plan. Research my options."

"Right." Gwaine pulled the blanket over himself. "Don't know what difference an hour makes, but I can see you're not going to tell me, so whatever."

Elena, who had been silently stroking Gwaine's thigh during the exchange wrapped a sheet around her and started searching on her tiptoes for something in the floating shelves she had unwisely placed over the head of the bed.

"Of course you need to work on that, Arthur. I'm sorry Gwaine is so dense. Here" She handed him a notebook, "This one's empty. If you want to start right in."

Gwaine pulled her from her ankles so that she collapsed on top of him, giggling.

"You're a nice girl, Ms. Howard."

"You are" Arthur seconded, "I hope Gwaine brings you 'round more. We should have met before." He kissed her quickly on the mouth and turned to Gwaine, eyes searching for a minute for the right place to kiss. Or should he just slap him on the head as usual, return to being friends?

Of course Gwaine knew what had Arthur hesitating. Of course it didn't make him uncomfortable at all. He grabbed Arthur by the wrist and pulled him forward, giving him a little buss on the cheek. 

"See you, Arthur"

Oddly the kiss on the cheek was the thing that had taken him farthest out of his comfort zone. It was just a little peck, but it was a convention from a world he had never been part of, some world where men lived together and got married and greeted each other like this. Gwaine had switched to it without a second thought. And no doubt tomorrow he'd be high fiving and head bashing with the crew, including Arthur, without a pause to change gears.

"Hey Gwaine," he said, at the door. Gwaine looked up. "Now you're sober, I'm leaving you the keys, yeah?" Gwaine's grin lit up his face.

"Thanks for trusting me" They both knew he wasn't talking about the car.

Arthur nodded. "If you even scratch it, you're dead." It was sort of like saying I love you.


	7. Leon

Arthur put in a good two hours at a coffee shop, eating and researching grant giving institutions. When he had three feasible plans Arthur called Leon to pick him up. It wasn't just the ride. He needed to see a face he'd always known. And he knew he'd promised they'd talk.

"So you disappeared in the middle of the party." Leon had his eyes on the road. His hand on the gear shift. "Didn't stick around to see what happened when Sophia and Lance started looking for you."

Arthur shuddered. Leon wasn't pulling any punches. "Yeah I thought it prudent to find some place else to spend the night."

"Prudent" Leon still wasn't looking at him. "I heard you left with Gwaine. Since when is that prudent?"

Arthur shrugged unhappily, "He made me the best offer."

"Can you tell me he didn't get you involved in at least one activity that could have you arrested, just when you need to be really careful?" Arthur immediately thought of the skinny dipping and changed the subject.

"So it was ugly with Lance and Sophia after my blood?"

Leon gave a bit of a grin, sadistic bastard. "Well if there was anyone in the next five counties who didn't know you take it up the arse, they've been updated. Nobody cared, though, who matters much." He glanced at Arthur, scanning his face. "It was really Lance who dropped the bomb. Didn't go into any details, but he basically said you treated Luc like shit and then ran without dealing with it."

Arthur sighed. "It wasn't quite like that. It wasn't an easy day for me, you know? I had no place to go. You think I could be forgiven for not wanting to wait for Lance to yell at me."

"Yeah, I told him that." 

"Thanks" Arthur was grateful. It hurt more than he wanted to admit that Lance, who was always so sympathetic, wouldn't notice how vulnerable Arthur had been, too.

Leon snorted. "Lance is a good friend, best there is. But he gets up on his high horse and all he sees are victims to rescue. Someday we're going to come to blows. I see it."

Arthur hadn't thought such an old friend could still surprise him. "Well that's a fight I'd pay to see." Leon surprised him again, pulling into a spot by the road.

"We're having coffee"

"I've already had 3 cups, thanks."

"Well, order a bloody tea then. We're sitting down."

Arthur followed Leon into the cafe. It wasn't as nice as the one he'd done his research in. The scones looked stale. Probably Leon had picked it because of the parking spot. As soon as they sat down in the seat in the window, Leon rounded on him.

"So I don't get it."

"You don't get what?" Arthur's heart pounded. Apparently he felt more panic about the coming out than he'd thought.

Leon broke his scone in two and looked at the two halves, before putting it down.

"I mean you had a good thing with Sophia and OK, she could be a cold bitch sometimes, but then you set her up to find you with someone else. To find you with a boy. Why would you do that?"

Arthur felt a nauseous clutch of anger and shame. "I did not have a nice thing," he did the air quotes, "With Sophia, OK?"

"But you kept sleeping with her."

"I didn't want to! She was kind of ...manipulating me. She forced herself on me."

"Arthur, you tower over that girl." Leon's face looked grim and merciless. Arthur felt he was perilously near to crying.

"It's hard to explain. It's like she knew I was hiding something- well obviously I was-and she knew I was afraid to look at that part of my life, the dating part of my life, so she focused on that. I let her call me names, stuff like that." He looked at Leon, but he's friend's face was impassive. Arthur tried again. "She was really invasive. She never listened when I said no, just kept turning up at my house. but I never told her off in public because I was relieved everyone knew we were having a lot of sex. All right? Straight sex. I didn't even understand it myself till yesterday."

There was a long pause. Arthur watched Leon methodically finish his scone.

"Why didn't you talk to me?"

Arthur felt a twinge of guilt.

"I didn't want you to know I slept with guys. I'm sorry. I should have trusted you more, it was just..."

"No I mean why didn't you talk to me before you arranged the whole revenge in the shower scheme, which I don't even need to tell you was a terrible idea?"

"You get that it was a revenge scheme?" Arthur felt himself brighten. It was the most despicable part of what he'd done, but it had also been an honest mistake, which he couldn't really explain without making it worse. Leon rolled his eyes.

"Please Arthur, I've known you since before you could talk. Now I know what Sophia was doing, this whole thing has scheme by Arthur Pendragon written all over it. You tried to fix it all yourself the way you do. Don't even try that excuse with anyone else, though. They won't believe you."

"Gwaine got it."

"Right. you talked to Gwaine because he's bisexual, too." Arthur could hear the disguised hurt in his voice.

"It's not that." Leon raised his brows. "It's not! It's just Gwaine is nosy and nonjudgemental. It's a lethal combination."

Leon paused.

"So did you come up with any more constructive schemes, you know for next year?" Arthur handed him over the notebook. Leon didn't read it, though, thumbing the pages nervously. He sighed.

"I have to ask. I saw you with that girl Michelle, you know before you went upstairs with Luc. Was it all the same to you, which one it was. I mean would you have forgotten about Luc if Michelle had liked you?"

"I wouldn't have forgotten about him no, but I would have let it go for a bit."

"Till what?"

"Jesus I don't know, Leon. I'm 19. I try to get lucky like everyone else."

Leon frowned. "But you're not like everyone else, Arthur. I always thought of all of us, you were the one with his head on your shoulders. I just didn't think you would do something like that, sleep with whoever you come across, whoever says yes first."

Arthur could feel his blood carrying his anger to his face, where Leon would be bound to see it.

"And would you be disappointed with me if it had just been two girls, if I had bypassed Sophia for Michelle, let's say?"

"No, but I know how you are with girls. I mean that's probably how you got in trouble with Sophia. You're a gentleman, Arthur. This whole thing isn't like you."

"And how do you know what's like me?"

"I guess you're right, Arthur, I don't know. Because you don't tell me anything!" Leon was angry now, too, tapping his fingers like he did when he was agitated. "I know that wasn't your first time with Luc and I also know I've never seen you with a boy, so where were you going all this time?"

"It's none of your fucking business, Leon! I went to clubs and to a certain gym, OK? But I'm not doing that anymore."

"No now you sleep with your teammates. I'm glad the season's over because that would have been a royal mess with you as captain."

Arthur was speechless for a heartbeat. He knew he was blushing. "How did you know what I did with Gwaine?".

"You mean apart from the fact that he follows where his dick points like it's a bloody torch? You stink, all right? You reek of spunk from here. Do you think..Are bisexual people more likely to be slags, like they can't help it?"

"No!" Arthur was horrified. Then he reconsidered. "Well maybe. No, I don't really think so." Then his own uncertainty infuriated him more. "Did you know that Gwaine has a girlfriend he really loves? I mean the real deal. Nothing like what you or I have ever experienced."

"If Gwaine loves his girlfriend so much why did he sleep with you?" Arthur felt like he was cornered in a chess game.

"She was there, too," he whispered, lapsing into a sullen silence as he waited for Leon to sneer at that. But Leon just sat there.

"You don't know everything about me either, you know." He said finally. "I have loved somebody. And it's not just wanting to fuck her." Arthur winced, but something about Leon's self important tone irked him.

"Well you haven't yet, have you, Leon so how would you know that's not all it is?" Now it was Leon's turn to wince. Arthur was the only person who knew for certain that Leon was still a virgin.

"I know," he said, with a tense undertone that Arthur had heard only once or twice before, "Because I have always loved her before I knew what it meant and after. I grow up and it doesn't go away it just changes, becomes more. I will always love her."

"Morgana, you're talking about Morgana. You've always had a thing for her."

"Yes Morgana. And I bet since she's your sister you're glad I wouldn't want to share her with my teammates."

"Of course not," Arthur wanted to say, "Because you'd rather die than touch someone's cock." "And how about if Morgana wanted to invite one of the girls from French class to share, would that be a different story?" But he didn't say anything. After this many years being friends with Leon he knew what would end up with fists in the face

"I know I'd want you to be faithful to her, anyway."

"Or what, you'd go after me? 

"No, she would. And you know she's scarier than me." Leon snorted. 

"Well true enough. Anyway, I hadn't meant to ask you any of this stuff. Actually," he coughed and looked away. "Actually I talked to my father and he's agreed to buy me a flat next year with an extra couple of rooms. He said it was mine to dispose of. I know he knows I'd offer it to you."

Arthur shook his head, glad now he hadn't started a fight. "I may not be able to pay that kind of rent, Leon." 

"No," Leon crossed his arms, "You'd pay me back when you're ready. And you can entertain whoever you want; I'm not prejudiced OK? Although if you're going to be having a lot of threesomes, you're going to have to pay for my earplugs no matter how low on funds you are."

Arthur smiled. Relief flooding through him. This was all going to be OK. Leon dropped him off at his driveway with a smack on the head.

"Just one thing, Arthur, You don't want to shag me, right?" 

Arthur rollled his eyes, "Please, I've seen you in nappies, Leon. It's put me off your ginger arse for life."


	8. Igraine, Uther, Morgana, Morgause

He grabbed Elana's notebook off the dash before walking slowly up the walk, feeling curiously numb as he retraced his steps of the day before, as if he were winding up the traces of himself he'd left in this place and it would have nothing to do with him anymore by the time he got in the hall.

In front of the door there were three packages. He picked the smallest one up. Dolce and Gabana, fulfilled by Amazon. Morgana's order. It had arrived the very next day. The logistics of it were staggering. And people said there was nothing exciting about business. Of course he didn't have to defend the corporative world now that he probably wouldn't be working for Westingcorp after all.

He walked up the stairs to his room and was stunned, as he opened the door to see his father there, staring out the window.

Arthur's father had never been home on a weekday, not once that Arthur could recall apart from a bout of flu he had when Arthur was in 3d form. "What are you doing here?" he asked. He was glad that his tone was neutral, despite the surprise.

"I've been waiting for you. His father turned around but did not smile. He braced his hands-Arthur's same hands, on the highboy in front of the bed. "I have something to tell you that shouldn't wait, I believe."

A jolt of nerves penetrated Arthur's numbness. Leon would be pleased he thought. The terms of his disowning were no doubt about to become much clearer.

Arthur put his burdens down on the desk and prepared to stand at attention for a while.

"Yes Father, what is it?"

"I've had a rather late night visit from Sophia Garringer " Arthur just stopped himself from rolling his eyes. So Sophia had come running to Uther again. Well, there was no damage she could do; he'd triggered those mines before she stepped on the field. "She told me that you were gay. I guess she got the wrong end of the stick there a little" Both Arthur and his father smiled slightly at this. "It's odd" Uther continued, "to be told something like that from two young people in such a short period of time. I found myself comparing their motivations."

"What do you mean?" It was no mystery. Sophia was a vindictive bitch, that was clear enough, though admittedly it might be news to his father. 

I've always thought that Sophia Garringer was a lovely girl." Uther frowned and paced a bit, "But I have been unable to think of even one reason why she should tell me such a thing about my son at midnight on a Sunday that reflected well on her character. Not one," he repeated a bit wistfully. "And once I began to think of her reasons for telling me and what it said about her, it made me think of you and what your reasons might have been."

Uther was looking at him now. "There was not much to be gained for you, telling me ...what you did..." Arthur laughed to himself that even now his father couldn't bear to say the words. "You were about to leave home, go to Oxford where it would be easy to keep your life separate from mine, on my docket no less. I have imagined what your motivations might have been for telling me who you were seeing and almost all of them do you credit."

"My motives do me credit." Arthur repeated the words slowly. "It's funny you should call it that, 'credit' because it sounds like assuming the best about someone, before the proof comes in. You did not assume the best about me."

"No, I didn't." Uther's voice was rusty, it was so reluctant to form this apology. The reluctance spurred some early, previously voiceless, part of Arthur to rise up and cry out that it had not been protected when it should have been.

"She made fun of me, you know. Because I wouldn't admit why I didn't want to date her. She sensed I was weak, Father, and I fucked her just so I wouldn't have to hear you say the kinds things you did, that I was distasteful, that my feelings were disgusting. She didn't give me credit either."

Arthur turned away so that his father wouldn't see his eyes fill with tears. He was not going to cry. "Anyway, once I knew what it was, I'd had enough of that." He turned to face Uther again, proud he could keep his chin up. "I'd had enough of lying. I guess she wanted to see what it could cost me."

Uther paused. The silence between them was just long enough for Morgana's mother's unspoken name to lie between them, Uther's falsehood.

"Poor Doug Garringer," Uther said at last, "I pity him his daughter."

"Don't you think he's more likely to pity you for your son?" Arthur spat back. Uther shook his head.

"I know it's hard for you to understand at your age. You see things in black in white. You'll just have to believe me that I can be displeased by your lifestyle and proud of your courage at the same time. I'm older; it's easier for me to be objective."

Well that was rich, coming from a bigot who thought he could describe Arthur's loves, past and future as "affairs" and "proclivities".

"If you're so fair how come you didn't listen when I told you not to let Sophia over anymore?" To be honest Arthur had never expected his father to listen, but he wanted to know.

Uther took his hands off the highboy. "You know, I don't fancy hiding behind your furniture for this discussion." He looked Arthur over with his usual critical eye. Arthur blushed as he wondered how obvious it was that he had sex with three people in the last 24 hours. "And you might appreciate a chance to change,I imagine. I'll meet you in my study in 15 minutes and we can discuss it further".

As his father's footsteps disappeared into the depths of the house, Arthur went to the closet and took out the large suitcase he'd secreted there before he came out to his father. He placed in on the bed and surveyed the contents. He'd packed for maximum mobility but with an eye to the impecunious future: two expensive suits, his most versatile button downs, newest jeans, socks. lots of Cashmere because it was warm and packed light and he might never afford it again. Now he tore open the small box from Dolce and Gabana. It was mostly underwear: vests and pants of the type that said 'keep my pecs and package in mind' and a bunch of tight cotton shirts. So Morgana. He smiled and tipped the contents willy nilly in the bag before he turned to change. He might not need to leave, he supposed, depending on what went down in the study, but it was nice to know he was guaranteed to look good in his skivvies, wherever he might end up.

Uther did not have a very expressive face; he had about five expressions that Arthur knew, ranging from red faced ire, through impassivity into exhaustion. Now here was a new one. His father looked, contemplative. It was almost a poetic look, really, as if the stern businessman was doing a bit of Hamlet at the village theatrical society. 

Uther gestured for Arthur to sit down on the leather couch while he remained standing. Arthur conceded the point, looking up at his father as he contemplated...whatever it was.

"You asked why I chose to invite Sophia over your objections."

"I always figured that you were inviting her as your friend's daughter."

"But you are my son." 

Arthur chose not to answer that as he didn't want to fight just yet before he learned where this might be going. "And in fact, subsequent events have proven that her word is worth less than yours. If I didnt see that before It is because I have always found it hard to think ill of a beautiful woman."

Arthur barked out a laugh. His father remained absolutely serious. Arthur shook his head. "I'm sure that's a problem we all have, Dad. It's OK. I've moved on." Uther produced yet another new expression, managing to look both livid and embarrassed.

"I am not referring to the blindness of lust, Arthur."

Ugg. Hearing his father say the word, "lust" was creepy. Internally Arthur conceded that his father may have had a point about not mentioning these things to each other.

His father began to pace again. "Last time we spoke, you said I was not a Christian. But it is not true that God means nothing to me. I did not contradict you " he said at last. "because I do not know how to talk about it without also saying other things, things that are better left unsaid."

"I wasn't going to respond, you know, when you threw Morgana's mother in my face. You have found out something about me as I found out something about you." He turned aside a minute. "Perhaps we both assumed the worst."

"I have loved two women. Your mother was one. Morgana's mother was the other. They were both very beautiful. I do not myself have much capacity for reverence, for belief. But through loving them I did find God."

"I don't understand."

"I mean, many things, but the simplest is to say that loving a woman, with a body that can give life, to be moved by that beauty; it allows a wordly man to worship through someone better than himself."

Arthur waited for more, but Uther did not elaborate.

If his father had spoken openly of his feelings even once before, he would have seized this opportunity to rip him a new one. Because this was utter bollocks. This was self serving, and plain stupid. What about ugly girls? And who said there was nothing special about the beauty of men? However his father had never bared a thing to Arthur before, so he said nothing.

"Igraine, your mother, was the only person I ever discussed these feelings with. She always laughed and said I was half way there. That love made people see beauty and not the other way round. But of course she herself was so lovely, living proof I was right . She was such an open person, so giving. She forgave." He paused. Sighed. And reached to pour himself a drink.

"You know about Morgana I can't let you think that you know everything and assume the worst. My history with her mother is sad, but it is not vulgar.

My partner Garlois and I had built a powerful company before I met Igraine. We saw the writing on the wall and cultivated connections with people who had technical skills. Everything you have comes from that. We were chatting up the engineering and computer science people, when all the other venture capitalists were working with their connections from their schools. Being a clubbable fellow isn't everything."

Arthur couldn't help snorting at that. His father had no rosy ideas about men, obviously. All brass tacks there.

"We were doing well, ahead of the game, but I saw an opportunity to combine modern technology with conservative values."

"Right wing media." Arthur breathed.

"I suppose you could call it that. Anyway, Garlois was not keen on the idea, but his wife, Morgause, was. We started to meet to discuss what we could do to promote a media venture along those lines. Eventually, I found myself in love with her. I tried to convince her to leave Garlois, but she didn't want to. I thought once our love was consummated, she would see what was meant to be." Uther looked away.

"It was Morgause who introduced me to Igraine, shortly after she had the baby she broke off with me, denied that I was the father of her child."

"Morgana." Arthur said. Uther stared into his drink, but did not answer. 

Finally, Uther met Arthur's eyes. "Yes, Morgana is my daughter. And that I did not make a family with her mother was a sin that has born its own fruit."

The anger that Arthur had been holding back at this romantic fantasy, this twaddle that Uther had been mooning over for himself while he forced Arthur to measure every token of love with an achievement finally broke out.

"There is no fruit," he said, teeth bared. "There's a girl. And an affair. And a baby. It's no big deal, just ordinary hypocrisy. It happens all the time and God has nothing to do with it."

Arthur had never seen his father so out of control He literally spat, trying to get his words out.

"How dare you! Stop making light of what is sacred to me!"

"If Morgause was so sacred to you," Arthur could barely control a cruel smirk that wanted to form on his mouth. He was the calm one now, the questioner, "Why did you throw her away?"

Uther surprised him by retreating into a husk of sorrow. Arthur had never heard him speak of his second wife with pity and regret, he'd hardly heard him mention her at all, but there was no mistaking the tone.

"No. I'm afraid that's not true. She threw herself away."

Arthur stared at his father, waiting for more. He was not going to accept anymore half truths. It was Uther who looked away first. He put down his whiskey glass and looked at his bare hands.

"She was an alcoholic', he whispered. "Even back then, when it started she drank too much. Garlois did, too, before the end. It's not really a coincidence that they both died in automobile accidents."

"And Morgause, when she came here after my mother died..." This time Arthur recognized Uther's bitter expression, like an orange squeezed. It was defeat. "Did you try to help her then or did you just lie and cover it up because it didn't go with your family image?"

"Of course I tried to help her!" Uther didn't give any details and Arthur might have chosen to pursue it, but there was something else he wanted to know more. 

"And did you love her?" He wasn't sure what he wanted the answer to be. She wasn't his mother.

"I don't know." Uther sat down. The chair creaked as Uther lost his posture and leaned back in it, eyes closed a moment. "Yes. I suppose the answer is yes. When she was at her best she was a phenomenal woman. Morgana is a lot like her."

Silence filled the room. Arthur remembered Morgana saying, "He's waiting for me to go bad like my mother". He wanted to tell Uther, to warn him that Morgana thought he expected her to go wrong, but Uther started to speak again.

"But that was later, after I fell in love with Igraine. We were an odd foursome, you can imagine. I was afraid to tell Igraine who was so young, so pure, that I had fathered our friends' child. She guessed, though. Woman's intuition, I suppose.

"I told Igraine the whole story and even though we were all friends, even though she was having trouble conceiving, she forgave Morgause. She forgave the baby. She forgave me." For the third time that morning Uther showed Arthur a new expression. It looked almost pleading.

"You're right, Arthur. She would have forgiven you, too. I can't like it. I can't understand it, but if you want to bring someone here to meet your family, I will see that person whoever it is."

And that, apparently was that. Arthur was dumbfounded. 

"Oh, Right," he said finally. "Thank you. I'm glad you told me. It gave me a lot to think about." There was a pause in which Arthur tried to say what those things were exactly, but the truth was the story he heard felt like one he had always known, that some tourniquet that had squeezed his mind was gone and all he felt now was a wonderful, terrible loosening and the pins and needles of things returning the way they should be. "Well, I guess I have some packages to put away now," he said in the end

Uther resumed his normal expression of tight amusement. "That wasn't a trail left by Morgana's credit card out front then?"

Arthur could feel his expression mirror his father's. "Sort of. Coming out gifts for me, I think." He shrugged and turned away.

"Arthur" Arthur turned back at the door. "I saw the suitcase. You were going to leave, weren't you?'

"Probably." Arthur didn't elaborate.

"You know you would have lost your place at Oxford. You were expected to row crew and there wouldn't have been time for a job."

"I know that, father." 

"And no one in the United Kingdom would give you a scholarship."

"I was thinking of going to Tennessee, actually"

"To Igraine's people". Arthur nodded.

"I had 3 other ideas, but that was the most feasible. I'd be a good candidate for schools there, good enough for a scholarship, and they could help me get settled."

"I'm impressed. You know I never worried about you, Arthur. You are a formidable young man." It was the most praise Arthur had ever gotten and apparently it was all Uther was going to say on the subject. His father sat down and picked up a file folder.

Uther had long since turned away, but Arthur hovered. He was tempted to press for something- to rub his father's face in the contradiction of his own story, or maybe to ask for more details about Igraine. He breathed once, twice, knowing the gates were closing, that there might never be another chance to ask. His eyes drifted up toward the picture of Igraine and he remembered the last time he'd looked at the picture, how he'd thought of his sister.

"I'd like something, Father" To his amazement his father chuckled.

"Pressing for more now you're ahead, Arthur?" Arthur nodded. He was. He'd learned from the best. 

"Do you have a picture of Morgana's mother, of Morgause," Arthur forced himself to speak the name, "Do you have a picture of her when she was still beautiful to you that way?"

Uther's eyes filled with tears. Arthur had not known the man could cry. He felt his own eyes smart in response. Uther reached in the desk drawer, lifting out the pencil tray. He took out a small, yellowed envelope, folded over itself. 

"Here."

Arthur didn't take the packet yet.

"I'm going to tell Morgana, you know. I'm going to tell her everything you told me."

His father looked small suddenly, pained.

"I can't stop you, Arthur."

"It should be you. You should tell her." Already Arthur could feel his father's reticence closing up over the true story of their family, quicksand swallowing all signs that he'd been witness. 

"Can't you see that would hurt her for no purpose?"

"She already knows most of it. How do you think I found out?"

"Ah."

"Yeah, and the real thing she doesn't know is that you care at all." Arthur wanted to scream this last in his father's face, but he found that it was mostly sadness and exhaustion between them now. The power he'd had for a minute, as a son to depose his father seemed to be tied up with his own mistreatment; he couldn't apply the same force for Morgana. He merely waited.

"Right." Now there was no expression on Uther's face at all. " Well, I suppose you've given me something to think about, as well."

Arthur knew he would not get another word out of his father, this night or maybe ever.  
He took the envelope and eased out the contents with careful hands.

The picture was very small. It showed a young woman with black hair and tired green eyes, holding a small swaddled infant. Morgause looked almost exactly like Morgana, perhaps her face was a little rounder but then she'd just given birth. Arthur turned the picture over. It said "For Uther, Our Morgana" in a woman's hand.

Before Arthur could hand the picture back his father waved his hand away. 

"Keep it. Somehow after talking about her I find I don't need it anymore."

Arthur nodded and left his father sitting there. He didn't look back. He wanted to hurry while some of the transfer of feeling from the past still remained. He hoped his sister was home.

He found her in the kitchen, running something green through the blender. She often just had a smoothie for lunch, kept herself bone thin. Arthur had always been proud of his sister's model looks, but now he found himself thinking of lovely, generous, imperfect Elena and he wondered.

"So the prodigal returns." Morgana quirked one brow. "Did you see Uther? I think he wants to tell you you're not disowned. I got the distinct impression."

"Yeah." Arthur just stared at her. He could not stop thinking how like her mother she looked. "It's good news."

Morgana smiled, took out a straw for her smoothie. "I told you not to be afraid." Then she whopped him over the head with the straw package. "Or maybe you should be afraid. Lance Dulac was here a minute a go and he looked mad enough to spit. I didn't even know he could have an unpleasant emotion."

It all seemed so far away now, the thing with Luc. Arthur shrugged. "He doesn't blow up often but it's pretty gruesome when he does."

"It was a very good look on him I must say. He's so gorgeous but little too muesli, if you know what I mean." Arthur laughed. He agreed pretty much. 

"So what did you do, deflower his cute exchange student?" It was amazing how insightful Morgana was; there was no point hiding things from her.

"Yeah, not exactly but in the same neighborhood" Morgana shook her head, putting things in the sink.

"And here I hoped you'd do better with boys."

Arthur knew that yesterday her judgement would have annoyed him. Now he could not stop staring at his sister, seeing her through the lens that his father's story had given him, and listening to her body rather than her words like Gwaine would.

 

She was at war, he saw. Her eyes were clear but looked guarded, far away as if she saw figures on the horizon and was not sure yet if they were friends or enemies. Her body was not stiff, nor was it relaxed; it was coiled. Does she know I'm on her side? he wondered. He wanted for her to know.

"Morgana. I may not be much of a romancer but I know my manners, at least." Her face relaxed a little at his gentle tone. "So thank you." Arthur continued. "I got some of the things you ordered me, all the skivvies anyway. They look good."

"Good I'm glad. I had to get you off to a good start now you're going to be spending so much time in changing rooms with real live men"

Arthur laughed softly. "I got you something, too Morgana. Actually I got it out of father. A kind of concession for being such a huge berk. Here."

He watched her face as she looked at the photo: watched her usual sardonic expression color with amazement, joy, pain. When she turned it over to read the inscription she went totally blank. And then her body began to shake. Arthur took her in his arms and let his larger body absorb the shocks from hers. "He kept it," she said, "He knew it was me, that I was his."

"Yeah, he did. He said she was so beautiful, Morgana. Just like you. She looked just like you."

"Do you think," she asked, voice muffled in his shirt, "That he still loves her a little bit, if he kept the picture?" Arthur hadn't known Morgana's voice could sound uncertain.

"I know he does," He said. "It came out." He giggled. "Sorry, unintentional pun."

A laugh struggled its way through her tears. Finally she looked up. "Thank you Arthur. Just. Thank you. I can't find any other words."

He shrugged.

"Glad you can be just as dumb as me then. Must come from the father's side." He pressed his cheek to her hair. "There's a story, too, that goes with it," he said. "I'll tell you later."

She threw her arms around him. The last time she had hugged him she had been the larger of the two. He had been young enough to feel safe rather than uncomfortable even though nobody else in the house touched him. Morgana herself had always been too high keyed to feel awkward; it was anger rather than embarrassment that had kept her away. Now she was resting in his arms, content to stay and he felt his inner timer run out. He should let go before it got weird. Their family didn't do this. Arthur forced himself to relax. He was not going to follow the unspoken rules anymore.

Arthur realized as he held his sister that this was the first real touch from someone who was not a lover that he had had for a very long time. He was amazed how good it felt.


End file.
